Mind's Eye

[sevendeadlyfun]

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17

Summary: So when Xander Harris comes calling, all he can do is think of what it would be like to be owned by this lapdog of a man.

A/N: Set in S6 and based off the episode "Dead Things", with bits of dialog from the episode appearing in the beginning. Written for kink_bingo prompt-bondage (wrist restraints).




“Do you even like me?” he asks her.

He schools his face to blankness. He’s genuinely curious, but there’s more to it than that and she’s no fool. She knows how he feels and why he’s asking.

“Sometimes,” she murmurs and he can almost hear the wheels turning in her head.

She looks over at him, her pretty eyes screaming ‘love me’ and the long, lean lines of her shoulders promising him a few more drops of pain. He wonders what she means by sometimes, wonders how far she’ll let him take her.

“But you like what I do to you,” he replies, voice equally soft.

She looks away. She won’t look at him when they fuck, either. She keeps her eyes closed and sometimes he thinks she pretends he’s someone else. Is that why she runs away afterwards? She opens her eyes and the wrong vampire’s staring back at her.

“Do you trust me,” he asks and the cuffs dangle provocatively off his fingers.

“Never,” she tells him, no hesitation and no ambivalence.

Whatever he is to her, and while he’s reckless and dangerous he’s no fool either, he isn’t hers. And she never has been his. He thinks maybe she can’t belong to anyone. Not his blasted Sire or the tragically simple soldier boy or anyone; she belongs to herself.

But he needs to belong, needs to be taken in hand and owned. He feels safe in cuffs. He misses being bound and used, knowing that for that moment he is utterly and completely desired. So when Xander Harris comes calling, all he can do is think of what it would be like to be owned by this lapdog of a man.


~*~*~

He can’t shake the fantasy. Every time he sees Harris, his cock gets hard. Watching him manhandle his bints, throwing an arm around them or offer them a friendly shoulder, is frustrating. Not because he needs a good cry but those strong arms should be pressing his face down and gripping his hips.

Sweet Christ, he thinks he’s losing his mind. Xander bloody Harris? The butt of every Scooby joke fucking William the Bloody; even in his head it sounds ludicrous. Him fantasizing about Tweedle-Dumber is like Swift writing for a girlie mag.

But he just. Can’t. Stop.

~*~*~
His prick aches when he thinks about it, which is often. It always starts the same way. Harris storms into his crypt, throwing him against the wall.

It’s gotta start like this because he can’t just give in. He’s a bloody vampire, not some lovesick chit. But, Xander knows how to hurt him, how to manipulate his body. The chip restrains him, forces him to give in. It’s an honorable surrender and that’s all he’s asking for.

Even with the chip, he fights back. Ends up flat on his back, writhing in pain for his trouble and he is trouble. Xander knows it. The chip only keeps him from hurting Xander, doesn’t keep him from escaping. The last thing he sees is Harris’ meaty fist and his world goes black.

~*~*~
His hips rock forward, a liquid roll that pushes his cock into his fist. He needs to hurt, needs to fuck, needs something beyond Buffy’s pain and pretenses. She’ll knock him down but she won’t keep him there. He can’t find his place in this mad fucking world where vampires have souls and little girls can bleed out the world’s destruction.

When he comes to, he’s cuffed and bleeding. He sniffs inquisitively, wondering if Xander’s bleeding for him. All his. Despite the pain, he smiles. Let the games begin, yeah?

“Gotta tie me up to get your end away, Harris? Pathetic,” he snarls.

Xander doesn’t speak. Spike nods because he doesn’t really give a toss about words right now. Man-sized hands roll him onto his belly and it’s been too long since he’s been fucked like this.

The gel is cold but he’s grateful for a bit of slick. Pain’s one thing but a dry fuck goes beyond harmless pain. And when his body’s finally forced open by what feels like a battering ram, he whimpers. Harris chuckles, an appreciative hand stroking the length of Spike’s body. Under those casually possessive touches, Spike’s hips cant in desire.

The hard, fast fuck rattles his teeth and blanks his mind. He can only feel those big hands owning him, pushing his face down and bruising his hips. Harris grunts, a thick noise that travels down Spike’s spine to settle in his cock.

He comes, a silent orgasm that sprays over his own hand to dribble back down across his belly.

There’s no truth in his fantasies. Even if Harris ever did become a shirt-lifter, he’s not likely to be the dark and disturbed bastard of Spike’s fantasy. A short, bitter laugh flies from Spike’s lips.

“What’s so funny?”
“Only my entire bloody existence,” Spike answers automatically. The voice registers a second after he speaks and he sits up.

It’s Xander. Holding up a pair of Buffy’s knickers and looking furious. Spike sneers, rising to his feet. He stretches leisurely, his nudity making the simple act almost obscene. As he catches a glimpse of Xander’s hands balling into fists, Spike struggles to tamp down his excitement. As the first punch lands, he wonders idly if he’ll be able to find the cuffs in all the mess.

Comments

[mithril-56.livejournal.com]

Okay, you and I both know I'm not a Spander fan, but I liked this :> I liked the POV of the story, how Spike has needs that he transposes onto an unlikely character because he just can't help himself. It's a fantasy, after all, and besides, he was trained by Angelus to crave that very thing, even if he has transferred the need to Xander. Of course you know I'm gonna picture Angel as the final point of Spike's zig-zagging search for his destiny, but that's my own fantasy :> And I even enjoyed the ending making his fantasy at least possible, because there was both synergy and symmetry there that worked well. I really like your characterization of Spike - he's rough and rude, even if there is still a bit of the more genteel William at his core which sometimes (frequently?) influences his behavior. I like emotion in my slash fic, but when it becomes so fluffy that Spike (or Angel, or any of the tough guys) sounds like a girl, well that's where it all goes waaaay OOC for me! Spike can be poufy due to the soft-hearted William inside, but he draws the line at saying poufy things, whereas Angel can say poufy things but is never really soft in the final analysis - no pun intended (I don't think Angelus allows it, though both Angelus and Liam will say *anything* to get what they want ;> As usual your writing style is impeccable. Great job! :>

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong with a good fantasy :P, so Angel is more than welcome to join this party. My challenge to myself in doing this was to keep the characters and the sexual situations as close to canon as possible. And even as a fan of the pairing, I consider them a near-impossible in canon. Heck, I didn't even become a fan of the pairing until I'd read tons of fic. So within those self-imposed limits, I try to find ways to have my cake and fuck Spike too eat it.

But we're agreed on the characterization issue. Nothing turns me off of a story faster than a feminized Spike or a naive Xander. I say naive because some writers seem to cast him as the virgin ingenue which I find implausible at best. Despite Spike's inner softness and Xander's lack of personal experience, they are still men. Plus, I like my Spike evil. Nice Spike is less fun for me!

Thank you very much, hon. Your critiques always make me smile. I love getting con/crit from writers I respect and admire. I'm glad you liked this, Spander and all. :)

[mithril-56.livejournal.com]

And even as a fan of the pairing, I consider them a near-impossible in canon.

Well from the eps I found them to be on the road to developing a buddy-like friendship for sure, and since I do think that vampires are A) always horny, B) will fuck anything that moves, and C) have very fluid lines drawn between friends, family and lovers, I think I can see an argument for the Spander pairing being somewhat canon, even if it's not the pairing for me in general.

So within those self-imposed limits, I try to find ways to have my cake and fuck Spike too eat it.

And you succeed very well ;>

But we're agreed on the characterization issue. Nothing turns me off of a story faster than a feminized Spike or a naive Xander. I say naive because some writers seem to cast him as the virgin ingenue which I find implausible at best.

Ew, feminized Spike - no, no, no! You can probably guess I'm not a fan of the mpreg. I just don't get that genre at all. Not that there's anything wrong with that! hehehe... Seriously, I'm not trying to question it's legitimacy - hell I write m/m slash (is m/m slash redundant?). Anyhoo, it's not for me.

Re naive Xander, I never saw him as naive, either. I did see him as sort of spastic in the early Buffy eps, with a lot of maturity gained in the latter one, however he always seems a bit of a duffus to me. Don't get me wrong, I find that endearing in him as a supporting character, but it's why on my own I don't envision him as either a top or a main character (though I do see him as a demon magnet which can make for some interesting fic material ;>

Plus, I like my Spike evil. Nice Spike is less fun for me!

Do you mean evil as in *souless evil* or do you mean it as *the Big Bad*? If it's the latter, than I'm with you! I definitely prefer the souled versions of Spike and Angel to the unsouled ones, but that's because I don't think they're dramatically different with the soul and without it (i.e. I don't see them as having two distinct personalities). There's more dramatic tension and conflict in the second scenario, imo. I think girls have always been attracted to the bad boys, even if they're not the ones we typically marry ;>

Thank you very much, hon. Your critiques always make me smile. I love getting con/crit from writers I respect and admire.

Thank you! I like that myself :>

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

This is terrific! I am quite impressed!


Gabrielle

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie! And I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[suziqb77.livejournal.com]

that was good. I liked it.

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[anxiety-junkie.livejournal.com]

Oooh, nice. I have a thing for sub!Spike, and though he isn't quite there yet in this, he wants to be. Lovely!

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you, hon. I'm not big on sub!Spike per se, but I enjoy the dynamic it presents. Glad you liked it! :)

[creyr.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Spike has wonderful fantasies! Here's hoping that he gets what he wants and then some.

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you! The point Joss made in this episode about who ends up in the cuffs was where I started and I'm glad you liked where I went with it.

[laazikaat.livejournal.com]

Wow! That was bone deep dark. Seriously.

Extremely canon realistic, and I'd like to read a sequel, just to see if Xander takes it as far as Spike is hoping he will, or if he just stops with a bashing.

And again...wow!

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Huh. I honestly didn't see it as very dark. Obviously not the best judge of my own work. Still, I'm glad it worked for you and thank you. I am trying to cleave to canon as much as possible for these kink stories and I'm pleased that I'm succeeding. :)

[laazikaat.livejournal.com]

Rereading my comments, maybe I wasn't very clear...I LOVED it!!
Dark, yes, but so very very good.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Spike knowing he's being used by Buffy, but aching to be used more is a twist, and you make it work without losing the character voices or canon attitudes. Spike's need to belong to someone was beautifullly described here: But he needs to wanted, needs to be taken in hand and owned. He feels safe in cuffs. He misses being bound and used, knowing that for that moment he is utterly and completely desired.

That this leads to dark fantasies about Xander worked, and I enjoyed how Xander unwittingly bursts in on the tail end of one of Spike's sexual fantasies. About him. That last paragraph was vivid and speaks to Spike's need for dominance and violence. Even he realizes Xander wouldn't fulfill his fantasy, but he still holds out hope. Poor Spike, he keeps going after the wrong person.

Thanks for this terrific, dark read.

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you, hon. I appreciate your comments about my characterization. Keeping in character is difficult but I really felt that this fits so well into that whole scary time. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[daeomae.livejournal.com]

The question is whether or not Xan would do more than just beat him senseless. But...a vamp can dream. ;)

*Mwah*

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

[mysticsoblivion.livejournal.com]

*wubba* Good thing this is typed 'cause Mys' jaw is laying quite contently on the floor, lol. Gods, Mys doesn't want that to be hot, but OM MY GODS WAS IT EVER!!!!!

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

[darthsindel1981.livejournal.com]

damn that was just lovely

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[ruefull.livejournal.com]

This was very hot! I loved the fantasy aspect, but even more, Spike's thought processes. That was excellent!

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I enjoy writing and reading kink that has bit more to it than body parts. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

[drusillas-rain.livejournal.com]

oh, so hot and lovely!

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[taboothought.livejournal.com]

Holy balls...
"The hard, fast fuck rattles his teeth and blanks his mind"

made my eyes water!! XD!

Loved it! =)

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

[stretfordditto.livejournal.com]

Excellent.

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[windandsummer.livejournal.com]

Please tell me your going to write more. This is oh so good. Thank you so much for sharing!!~Bee