Jackboots and Bubblegum

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. After Buffy dies, grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they can bear to go.

A/N: Written for prompt #7-nature vs. nurture-on my psych_30 table. This was definitely a hard one to illustrate while still keeping (somewhat) plot relevant. Hopefully I haven't strayed too far on either count. And thanks so much to everyone who has kept reading this story, despite my sadly slow updates.

Previous chapters can be found in reverse order in my tags or start from the beginning.


( He’s a monster in man’s clothing... )

Chapter 20

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they can bear to go.

A/N: Written for prompt #25-placebo effect-on my psych_30 table. While the placebo effect is generally used in regards to medicine (i.e., the good old sugar pill), I've twisted it a bit to include mental sugar pills, something I think Spike takes on a regular basis. Thank you so much to everyone who keeps reading and leaving me such wonderful encouragement. I'm slower than molasses, but I hope it's always worth the wait!

Previous chapters can be found in reverse order in my tags or start from the beginning.

( Later, he doesn’t reach for the whiskey. He’s long past needing any panacea, intoxicating or otherwise. )

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go....

A/N: Yes, it's back. Took me long enough! This is written for my psych_30 prompt #28-free association. Previous chapters can be found in my memories or maxin and relaxin in the tags.

( I hate myself for wanting you and I hate you for not wanting me. )


Chapter 16

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17 overall

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go....

A/N: Written for prompt # 11-castration anxiety on my psych_30 table and tamingthemuse prompt # 93-chimera. For those anxious about the boys' bits, let me say that castration anxiety refers generally to a fear of powerlessness and not any actual castration. Previous chapters in the tags or in my memories.


( Xander was asleep. Or unconscious. Spike wasn’t entirely sure which... )

Chapter 14

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17 overall

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go....

A/N: Written for prompt # 3-addiction of my psych_30 table and tamingthemuse prompt # 81-grovel. Previous chapters can be found in my memories or in my brand-new took me a week to make tags.

( Spike smirked, staring down at... ) Chapter 12

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17 overall

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go....

A/N: Written for my psych_30 table prompt # 29-obsession and tamingthemuse prompt # 75-hush...

Previous Chapters

( Xander flopped backwards onto the bed... )

Chapter 10

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17 overall

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go....

A/N: Written for prompt number 4: Ego/Id on my psych_30  table. Also written for tamingthemuse  prompt number 70: arcane

Previous Chapters


( Xander stared hazily at Spike... ) Chapter 8

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go....

A/N: Written for my psych_30 prompt # 6: inferiority Complex as well as tamingthemuse prompt #66: hue and cry.

Previous Chapters

( Spike stared down at the man lying on his bed... ) Chapter 6

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17 overall

A/N: Written for prompt # 12 on my psych_30 table:  Collective Unconscious. For a further explanation of the concept, a very good explanation can be found here.


( Shadow Self... ) Chapter 4

Pairing: Xander/Spike

Rating: NC-17 overall

A/N: Written for my psych_30 table, prompt # 30 denial. This will be a 30 chapter fic, posted as I get inspiration. Takes place in an AU Season 6. Contains several lines from Robert Frost's poem "Nothing gold can stay"

Summary: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go....


( Nothing gold can stay... )


Chapter 2