Modes of Silence

[sevendeadlyfun]

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: NC-17 overall

Summary: Buffy's dead. Spike, Xander, and Dawn try to move on.

Previous Chapters

A/N: Written for tamingthemuse prompt 65: gingery

A/N II: I'm sorry this has taken to so long to update. I'm working on a fic for fall_for_sx and that's consuming most of my attention. That's also why this is so short!  I promise I'll get back to more frequent updates as soon as all the craziness stops!

They were halfway to Willow’s dorm room when Spike noticed it. It was faint, almost a tickle under his nose. He stopped in his tracks, holding up a hand in silent signal to the others.

Dawn and Xander stopped immediately, falling into defensive positions behind Spike. Giles walked towards Spike, eyes darting around in attempt to spot whatever had alarmed Spike.  He opened his mouth to speak, but Xander shook his head quickly, emphatically. Giles nodded once, sharply and stayed silent.

“Slayer’s nearby,” Spike finally announced. “Xan, you and the Bit head to Willow’s. Grab her and Glinda, tell’em what’s what. Watcher an’ I will go after the Slayer.”

It was so odd, hearing Spike talk about the Slayer. Odd to hear that term applied to anyone other than Buffy. Xander still couldn’t believe she was dead. He’d seen her fall, had buried her body. But, in his heart, he’d never imagined they would lose her. He winced inwardly. Lose her, what a stupid phrase. As if Buffy was like the remote or your car keys. We lost Buffy. Did you check under the couch? That’s where we always find the remote. She wasn’t lost, she was dead and even now, he still couldn’t fathom a world without her.

“How do you know she’s here,” Giles asked, scholarly interest clearly piqued. “Slayer’s have, in the past, exhibited a preternatural inborn sense that warns them of a vampire’s presence. Is there a corresponding sense in vampires?”

“No,” Spike grinned. “Can smell her blood is all.”

“And Slayer blood smells different,” Giles stated.

“Yeah,” Spike replied, cocking his head. “Slayer blood smells like…peppermint, a bit. Overlaid with something…gingery. Tastes different too.”

Xander saw Giles flinch at those words, felt himself recoil a bit. Only Dawn seemed to take Spike’s statement without any reaction, merely nodding fractionally at this information. She tugged at Xander’s sleeve and jerked her head.

“Be careful,” Xander said quietly, almost unwilling to leave. He wasn’t sure he trusted Giles to protect Spike from a wounded, possibly nuts Slayer. But, Spike wouldn’t let him stay, either. All Xander could do was hope Spike stayed safe.

“You too,” Spike told him and whirled around. Xander watched him go, mind racing. Something about a world where vampires hunted Slayers with Watchers by their side struck him as absurdly sad. When had life gotten so complicated?

He turned to Dawn, meeting her eyes. Sometimes, in situations like this, he had no problem believing she was millennium old. It showed in her eyes, a kind of wisdom that went beyond muscle and sinew. He wondered if it was her soul.
“Does it bother you,” Xander asked, starting to walk, “when Spike talks about killing Slayers?”

“No, “ Dawn replied simply.

“It kinda bothers me,” he replied. “I mean, I know he’s a vampire but sometimes I forget. He doesn’t go all grr or snack on little kids and I just…forget.”

“I never forget,” Dawn said gravely. “He is what he is, Xander. The same way that Buffy was what she was. Slayers and vampires are just…different. They follow different rules.”

Xander thought about that. Dawn’s words buried themselves in his brain and he couldn’t let them go. He is what he is. Did that mean that Xander had to accept him, bloodlust and all? What happened when the chip stopped working? Xander didn’t think Spike would hurt them, but could he live with himself if Spike started killing? Could he kill Spike?

“Xander,” Dawn said quietly, knocking him out of his reverie. “He is what is. You can’t change that.”

“I know,” Xander told her. “But I’m not sure I can accept it either.”

Dawn sighed heavily. She was so dropping this problem in Willow’s lap. No way would Xander talk about sweaty naughty feelings with her. He probably wouldn’t talk about them with Willow either, but at least Willow could guilt him into it. She had years of Xander guilting experience.

“Come on.” Dawn broke the silence. “We need to get Willow.”

Comments

[fearless5555.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy to see an update on this story. You did a great job expressing Dawn's ideas about how Spike was just 'different' and the line about Willow having years of 'Xander guilting experience' was brilliant.

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

One of the things I most enjoyed about Spike and Dawn on the show was how readily she accepted him for what he was. It's the best part of their relationship and I wanted to show that. I'm glad you liked it!

[daeomae.livejournal.com]

*nods* Dawn has always been more astute than people have given her credit for, anyway. I think it's wise for her to turn "the talk" over to Willow who really does have years of practice using "resolve face" on Xander. ;)

Glad to see an update, dear. :)

*Mwah*

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon! Now, the Xander Willow talk? Plenty of room for hilarity there! But, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[(Anonymous)]

Dawn's maturity is a points up!

Short chapter, but I believe it's the necessary linkage to the rest. :)

ZL

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This fic is coming in dribs and drabs and honestly the fall for s/x fic is consuming my brain. But, yes, I think that there has to be a few segue scenes or the whole fic falls apart. Glad you liked it!

[anxiety-junkie.livejournal.com]

Love it!

She was so dropping this problem in Willow’s lap. No way would Xander talk about sweaty naughty feelings with her. He probably wouldn’t talk about them with Willow either, but at least Willow could guilt him into it. She had years of Xander guilting experience.

Amen! *g*

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon! More Miss Edith! I'm still on the edge of my seat and that fic is really very wonderful. So original!

*hugs*

[anxiety-junkie.livejournal.com]

I'm working on ch 5 as we speak; but I had to throw a housewarming party for myself last weekend, so I haven't written anything for the last few days. Now I remember why I hate throwing parties, they're so damn stressful! *g*

[windandsummer.livejournal.com]

Looking forward to more as always. Nice job XD!!

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm always so thrilled when someone says they want more...it really motivates me! :)

[vinniebatman.livejournal.com]

As if Buffy was like the remote or your car keys. We lost Buffy. Did you check under the couch? That’s where we always find the remote.
That was a great line.
The perfect mix of Xander's humor dealing with his pain.
Another wonderful chapter.
~Alice~

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

That was actually a modified line from a poem I wrote after my mother's death. The euphemism of "losing" someone bothers me, because I think it trivializes the death of a loved one. But, I'm glad that line sounds true to Xander, even though it's really me. Hrm...maybe I'm Xander?

Glad you enjoyed it, hon!

[sparrow2000.livejournal.com]

I've had this on my to read list for ages, and had the afternoon off work today and read all 17 chapters in a oner. Whee, this is fun. Nice character developnment as each of them struggles in their different ways with the situation they're in. Giles coming back completely blindsided me, and the idea of the new Slayer being in Sunnydale knocked me on my backside.

Great stuff, hon. Can't wait to see where you take this next

s x

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Okay, first? I'm on someone's to read list?? That blows my mind, completely and utterly. Hee!

Second, thank you so much! I'm always worried I've lost the thread of the plot or that I'm being OOC. So getting detailed feedback always gives me the happies. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[ladysybylgrey.livejournal.com]

lovely dear. This is a great story, and I can't wait to see where you take it. One question, tho'... wouldn't the new Slayer be one of Dawn's classmates or at least schoolmates? Cause the Slayers get called at 14 or 15, usually, right?

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it. As for the new Slayer, I'm not really sure what you're asking. The new Slayer is one of Dawn's classmates (Amanda, first introduced in the Season 7 ep "Potential"). So, does that help? I had to give her a last name because Joss never did, but it's the same character.

If you're asking does Dawn know her, the answer is...sort of. In that "we go to the same school but don't really talk or hang out at all" way. In re-watching "Potentials", Amanda seems to know more about Dawn than Dawn does about Amanda. So, while Dawn may know of Amanda, she doesn't actually know her.

If your question was referring to something else entirely, you'll have to spell it out because I'm kinda slow... :)

[ladysybylgrey.livejournal.com]

no, that about covers it. I haven't actually seen the last two seasons, just read a lot of fic, and the wikipedia entries, as needed.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

I'm enjoying this thoughtful Dawn. Her canon acceptance of Spike makes her conversation with Xander believable. Spike's just Spike, end of story. Xander's continued struggle with being attracted to the demon is in character, too.

[sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com]

I've always thought that while Dawn cares about Spike, she's the only one who was never blind to his true nature. There were times that almost everyone seemed to "not see" Spike, only their perceptions of him. Dawn was never that way...she may have been hurt by who he was and what he did, but she was never surprised.

[hello-spikey.livejournal.com]

better, more in action. Like that Dawn doesn't react to Spike's having killed slayers.

I'm feeling a bit self-conscious now I'm commenting on chapters that have other comments.

Still not seeing the schmoopiness you feared.