Modes of Silence
Oct. 4th, 2007 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevendeadlyfunPairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: NC-17 overall
Summary: Buffy's dead. Spike. Xander, and Dawn try to move on.
A/N: Written for the![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tamingthemuse prompt # 63: enamored
“So let me see if I’ve got this,” Dawn said quietly. “There’s a new Slayer, she’s lost and Spike is supposed to track her down.”
Giles nodded gravely, shifting uncomfortably under the young girl’s scrutiny. Xander privately hoped Dawn was about to drop the hammer on the Watcher. Giles’s absence hadn’t bothered him until now, but the older man’s return was ripping him apart.
Giles hadn’t missed them, hadn’t called to check on them. He was only here now because he felt a duty to the Slayer. That was what stuck in Xander’s throat, choking him into silence. Giles didn’t care.
Why? Xander had always secretly believed he was unimportant, had learned to live with the chilly indifference of his parents and sometimes even his friends. But he’d hoped that somehow, all those years of fighting together and being almost like family would have counted for something. Still, it was hard to deny the truth when it stared straight at you. Giles had taken their young hearts and bodies, used them as tools for his Slayer’s struggle. Did that mean Buffy had never cared about them either? Was all of this, his life, meaningless?
“Uh-huh,” Dawn finally continued, slowly and carefully. “She was attacked by vampires, right? They burned her house down and killed her parents?”
“Yes,” Giles confirmed, growing a bit impatient with this line of questioning.
“Then why the hell do you think she’ll let Spike get within a hundred feet of her,” Dawn asked. “If I was her, I’d be staking everything that got close and asking questions later.”
Spike, walking ahead, turned around and glared at Giles. Inwardly, Xander winced. That look never meant anything good was about to happen. Chip or not, Spike was about to tear Giles into very small, messy pieces.
“Good call, Bit,” the vampire murmured, reaching out to draw Dawn close. “This a twofer, Watcher? Find your Slayer, get rid of me, eh? Pretty sweet set-up, all in all. “
Spike gently pushed Dawn behind him, demonic face coming forward. Xander could hear a faint rumbling noise, subsonic and feral. He glanced around before he realized the noise was coming from Spike. He’d never heard Spike sound so…animalistic before. It was kinda sexy, in an oh my god we’re all gonna die way.
Bad brain, he scolded himself. No hard-ons in life or death situations.
Giles sighed, reaching up to rub his forehead. “I am not enamored of your presence here, Spike. Nevertheless, I have no reason to kill you or have you killed. You’ve proven yourself…useful.”
“Useful,” Xander repeated. “Useful. He’s kept this shithole town in line, taken care of Dawn and me, and he’s useful? Wow, G-Man, way to go with the understated insult.”
Giles looked up at Xander and his face was pinched. Tired, Xander realized. Giles was tired. Of the Hellmouth, of living, of him? He didn’t know and honestly, he didn’t care anymore.
“Xander, it wasn’t meant as an…”
“No, of course not,” Xander railed. “You didn’t mean to insult Spike. What you meant was you wouldn’t kill Spike because if you did, you might have to stay here and help out. He’s useful, all right. We all are, like your most favorite tools. You used us and when we didn’t have anything left to offer you, you took off!”
Spike and Dawn were staring at him, eyes wide. Xander was panting now, so angry he could barely see straight. This wasn’t all Giles, Spike was certain. This was a young man’s anger at an unfair world, at a life he’d never wanted and a fight he couldn’t win. It was bloody brilliant.
“Now see here, Xander,” Giles snapped back, eyes flashing dangerously. “No one used you. In fact, I told Buffy on many occasions…”
“I know what you told her,” Xander shouted. “That we were useless, dead weight hanging on to your precious Slayer. Well guess what, Watcher? If it wasn’t for me, Buffy would be long dead. I gave her those extra years. What did you do but watch her die?”
Giles deflated, the fight going out of him. Spike almost felt pity for the suddenly shaky and lost looking man. They’d all loved Buffy and Giles was no exception. He’d genuinely cared for his Slayer, which is more than some Slayers got from their Watchers. She wasn’t a tool, no matter what Xander said. She’d been the sun they all revolved around and with the light gone, it was hard to see, hard to keep moving.
“Giles,” Xander said softly, “look, I’m…I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not true. I just…you left. You were supposed to stay and help.”
“I can’t,” Giles told him, reaching out a hand to the younger man.
“I know,” Xander replied, looking down at his feet. “But, why should it be us? Willow and I…this isn’t our fight.”
“Willow!” Dawn groaned, slapping her forehead. “Why are we standing here? Willow can find her.”
“Bollocks,” Spike mutters, ridges fading away. “Could we be any more worthless? Bit, if you answer that I’ll make sure you’re writing essays on Homer until you’re 40.”
Dawn smiles, her first real smile all night and Xander feels a Snoopy dance coming on. She’s not healed, he’s not healed, none of them are anything close to okay. But, he feels lighter now. The world sucks and it’s not Giles’ fault. It’s not Buffy’s fault. It just is and he knows that Spike is staring at him.
“You okay,” Spike asks softly, coming up to stand beside him.
“No,” Xander grins. “But, I will be.”
Spike nods, running a hand up his arm. Xander shivers, remembering how those hands felt on his bare skin. Spike’s smirking, and Xander thinks he’s remembering it too.
“You and me,” Xander murmurs. “A quiet room. Sound like plan?”
“Yeah, luv,” Spike nods. “Best plan I’ve heard in a while.”
Rating: NC-17 overall
Summary: Buffy's dead. Spike. Xander, and Dawn try to move on.
A/N: Written for the
tamingthemuse prompt # 63: enamored“So let me see if I’ve got this,” Dawn said quietly. “There’s a new Slayer, she’s lost and Spike is supposed to track her down.”
Giles nodded gravely, shifting uncomfortably under the young girl’s scrutiny. Xander privately hoped Dawn was about to drop the hammer on the Watcher. Giles’s absence hadn’t bothered him until now, but the older man’s return was ripping him apart.
Giles hadn’t missed them, hadn’t called to check on them. He was only here now because he felt a duty to the Slayer. That was what stuck in Xander’s throat, choking him into silence. Giles didn’t care.
Why? Xander had always secretly believed he was unimportant, had learned to live with the chilly indifference of his parents and sometimes even his friends. But he’d hoped that somehow, all those years of fighting together and being almost like family would have counted for something. Still, it was hard to deny the truth when it stared straight at you. Giles had taken their young hearts and bodies, used them as tools for his Slayer’s struggle. Did that mean Buffy had never cared about them either? Was all of this, his life, meaningless?
“Uh-huh,” Dawn finally continued, slowly and carefully. “She was attacked by vampires, right? They burned her house down and killed her parents?”
“Yes,” Giles confirmed, growing a bit impatient with this line of questioning.
“Then why the hell do you think she’ll let Spike get within a hundred feet of her,” Dawn asked. “If I was her, I’d be staking everything that got close and asking questions later.”
Spike, walking ahead, turned around and glared at Giles. Inwardly, Xander winced. That look never meant anything good was about to happen. Chip or not, Spike was about to tear Giles into very small, messy pieces.
“Good call, Bit,” the vampire murmured, reaching out to draw Dawn close. “This a twofer, Watcher? Find your Slayer, get rid of me, eh? Pretty sweet set-up, all in all. “
Spike gently pushed Dawn behind him, demonic face coming forward. Xander could hear a faint rumbling noise, subsonic and feral. He glanced around before he realized the noise was coming from Spike. He’d never heard Spike sound so…animalistic before. It was kinda sexy, in an oh my god we’re all gonna die way.
Bad brain, he scolded himself. No hard-ons in life or death situations.
Giles sighed, reaching up to rub his forehead. “I am not enamored of your presence here, Spike. Nevertheless, I have no reason to kill you or have you killed. You’ve proven yourself…useful.”
“Useful,” Xander repeated. “Useful. He’s kept this shithole town in line, taken care of Dawn and me, and he’s useful? Wow, G-Man, way to go with the understated insult.”
Giles looked up at Xander and his face was pinched. Tired, Xander realized. Giles was tired. Of the Hellmouth, of living, of him? He didn’t know and honestly, he didn’t care anymore.
“Xander, it wasn’t meant as an…”
“No, of course not,” Xander railed. “You didn’t mean to insult Spike. What you meant was you wouldn’t kill Spike because if you did, you might have to stay here and help out. He’s useful, all right. We all are, like your most favorite tools. You used us and when we didn’t have anything left to offer you, you took off!”
Spike and Dawn were staring at him, eyes wide. Xander was panting now, so angry he could barely see straight. This wasn’t all Giles, Spike was certain. This was a young man’s anger at an unfair world, at a life he’d never wanted and a fight he couldn’t win. It was bloody brilliant.
“Now see here, Xander,” Giles snapped back, eyes flashing dangerously. “No one used you. In fact, I told Buffy on many occasions…”
“I know what you told her,” Xander shouted. “That we were useless, dead weight hanging on to your precious Slayer. Well guess what, Watcher? If it wasn’t for me, Buffy would be long dead. I gave her those extra years. What did you do but watch her die?”
Giles deflated, the fight going out of him. Spike almost felt pity for the suddenly shaky and lost looking man. They’d all loved Buffy and Giles was no exception. He’d genuinely cared for his Slayer, which is more than some Slayers got from their Watchers. She wasn’t a tool, no matter what Xander said. She’d been the sun they all revolved around and with the light gone, it was hard to see, hard to keep moving.
“Giles,” Xander said softly, “look, I’m…I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not true. I just…you left. You were supposed to stay and help.”
“I can’t,” Giles told him, reaching out a hand to the younger man.
“I know,” Xander replied, looking down at his feet. “But, why should it be us? Willow and I…this isn’t our fight.”
“Willow!” Dawn groaned, slapping her forehead. “Why are we standing here? Willow can find her.”
“Bollocks,” Spike mutters, ridges fading away. “Could we be any more worthless? Bit, if you answer that I’ll make sure you’re writing essays on Homer until you’re 40.”
Dawn smiles, her first real smile all night and Xander feels a Snoopy dance coming on. She’s not healed, he’s not healed, none of them are anything close to okay. But, he feels lighter now. The world sucks and it’s not Giles’ fault. It’s not Buffy’s fault. It just is and he knows that Spike is staring at him.
“You okay,” Spike asks softly, coming up to stand beside him.
“No,” Xander grins. “But, I will be.”
Spike nods, running a hand up his arm. Xander shivers, remembering how those hands felt on his bare skin. Spike’s smirking, and Xander thinks he’s remembering it too.
“You and me,” Xander murmurs. “A quiet room. Sound like plan?”
“Yeah, luv,” Spike nods. “Best plan I’ve heard in a while.”
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on 2007-10-06 07:51 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it!