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Pairing: Spike/Xander/Faith

Rating: NC-17 overall

A/N: Another random update. Incorporates [community profile] tamingthemuse  prompt # 62: solitary confinement

Summary: It's the stuff you don't see that counts. Three people, a Hellmouth, and what happens when you can't hold it together. And when you can...

Previous Chapters




Xander’s large hands pull him upwards into a cocoon of warm flesh. Spike struggles against the comfort of the embrace. He doesn’t deserve it, isn’t sure he’ll ever deserve it.

“Ssh,” Xander croons, letting him struggle but not letting go.

Spike subsides wordlessly and allows Xander to manhandle him into bed. His thoughts drift back to that damp and dingy basement and the easy hate that ruled his life then. Sometimes he misses that, the hate and the rage. It was pure and he craves a little purity these days.

As he falls into bed, he half-hopes Xander will leave. He quivers, skin jumping, as Xander climbs in behind him. There’s nothing for any of them here, but it’s still such a pleasure to feel again. He won’t fight it, but he can’t encourage it either.

“Faith,” Xander calls out softly.

Slayer’s still out there. Spike can hear her panting, the blood pounding in her veins. Poor little lost girl, he called Buffy but he had the wrong Slayer. This one’s the lost one, a Slayer set loose in a world she was never meant to navigate. Rupes never saw that one coming. How does a myth make itself known in reality? He understands, more than he wants to.

They’re both myths, vampire and Slayer. Both tattered and torn, remnants of another time and place. He wonders sleepily if you can die from being unknown and unseen. Wonders if that’s why Xander touches them both. Is it his hands that keep them tied to reality?

Faith stands frozen, staring through the gloom at the two men in bed. She can’t leave and she can’t stay. She tried that before, reaching out and connecting with someone. At least Angel was sympathetic, wanted to help even if he didn’t want her. Robin…he just wanted a body and hers was convenient. She’d blame him if she could. But this is a trap of her own making and she knows it.

She and Spike kept the Big Bad so front and center there wasn’t any room for anything else. She thinks maybe it kept them both sane, this fake pride they flaunt. She knows it keeps her sane. Robin gave her hope. She’s still not sure she can forgive him for that.

Xander calls her again and she shivers. The sweat is drying and she’s so confused. This is definitely not part of the deal. She and Xander get off and get out; they don’t cuddle with damaged vampires and try to heal. This is their own version of solitary confinement, fucking without touching, existing without living.

Spike sighs, and shifts slightly to see around Xander. He knows what The Slayer’s thinking or at least, he can guess. Self-flagellation doesn’t leave much room for what Xander’s proposing. Living in a hell of your own making might not be pretty, but at least it’s safe. Lying safe in the dark with a good man might be heaven, but it bloody well isn’t safe.
“Fear’s like a cancer,” he tells her quietly. “Either let it go or let it eat you alive, but make a bleedin’ decision, Slayer.”

Xander chuckles in his ear. Those little puffs of air waft over Spike’s skin and he’s shaking again. A finger grazes his nipple and Spike moans, arching into the touch.

“That’s good advice,” Xander whispers. “You ever listen to yourself?”

“No,” Spike murmurs. “I’m full of shite, so why bother to listen?”

Xander nods, burying his face in Spike’s hair. The bed dips and Spike opens his arms. Faith settles lightly, uneasily, into his embrace. Her head tips a little, baring her throat and he smiles.

“Showing your throat to the Big Bad?” he asks her. “Got a death wish, pet?”

She shakes her head and tilts her head a little more, “Gotta life wish, Spike. What about you?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, pressing a gentle kiss on her pulse. “Me, too.”

on 2007-09-28 07:45 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lilithbint.livejournal.com
wonderful chapter my dear.
So intense and so visceral.

on 2007-10-02 03:30 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com
Thanks, hon! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

on 2007-10-23 08:14 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] hello-spikey.livejournal.com
aw! Who wouldn't be happy in a Spike-Xander sandwich?
Love the ending there. "Life wish" SO poignant!

on 2007-10-23 09:27 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] sevendeadlyfun.livejournal.com
Thanks! :)

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