A Road Covered With Blood
Aug. 11th, 2007 12:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevendeadlyfunPairing: Xander/Spike
Rating: NC-17 overall
A/N: Did you ever have a fic run away from you? Good, that means it's not just me. I feel better now. X-posted todarker_spike for challenge reasons, posted here for my memories.
“No.” The words flew from his mouth. “I don’t accept that.”
Xander could feel the muscle in his jaw twitching. The pounding in his head was a nice counterpoint to the throbbing bass pouring out of the speakers. His hands clenched around steering wheel, knuckles blazing white from the strain.
“Not about accepting.” Spike’s voice was thick, heavy with exhaustion or irritation or something. Xander never paid much attention to those feeling charts Willow waived in his face. Who needed to differentiate between mad and angry? I’ll take “people who love vampires” for a thousand, Alex.
Shit! Shitshitshit! This was not in the fucking mission description. Sure Cordy, I’ll go out and save reality as we don’t know it. Fall in love with a vampire? Don’t mind if I do, thanks.
“You know Spike, for all the years you spent with us, you never did learn much,” Xander ground out. “I’m a Scooby. Impossible is what we do, remember? I don’t accept this, that no matter what you’re bound for hell. Fuck that.”
“A bit testy, mate,” Spike observed wryly. “Not like you’ll have to follow me down.”
Xander spun the steering wheel, swerving the car over the curb and into Buffy’s driveway. He sat there, engine running, for a full minute while he tried to calm down. Of all the things he’d done and seen, the worst had been that fake vision that showed him how close he was to becoming his father. He’d worked hard to leave that behind and he wasn’t going to start backsliding now.
He switched the car off, and turned to face Spike. The vampire’s face stood out among the shadows, almost incandescent. I was blind but now I see, Xander thought furiously. How do I make you see, you smug fucker?
“Listen to me, Spike. I don’t care if I’ve got reserved seats for the Express to heaven.” Xander could hear his own voice, the words so cold they left icicles on his tongue. “Maybe you got your vampire Zen working here, but I will not leave you to rot. So fuck you and fuck any Power that tries to stand in my way.”
Xander struggled, closing his eyes in an effort to tamp down the rising fury. It flooded his body, the heat moving from his belly to his chest. The snick of the door opening undid all his efforts.
He opened his eyes and saw Spike leaving. Like this was just an ordinary day, thanks for the lift, Harris. The scream lodged in his throat and Xander slid silently across the seat.
He tackled Spike, shoving the slighter man into the ground. Spike thrashed underneath him, cursing violently. Xander knew he was out of control and he couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to stop, truthfully. He wanted. Wanted to save, to hurt, to hate, to love. He just wanted.
He pushed forward, sinking his teeth into the back of Spike’s neck. The vampire howled, shuddering and bucking underneath him. The friction had Xander’s head spinning.
“Stop,” he hissed into Spike’s ear. “I swear, if you make me shoot in my jeans, I will make you regret it.”
Spike stilled instantly. Xander dropped his head until it met Spike’s. Spike could have tossed him aside easily. He knew it and he knew Spike knew it. So why didn’t Spike just throw him off?
Xander answered that one. Fear. He’d been at the mercy of humans too long. Hell, from the bits and pieces he’d heard, this had been Buffy’s preferred method of foreplay. No wonder Spike just laid there.
How did I get here, he thought desperately. Jesus, I attack him and then I threaten him. Way to go, Harris. Would you like a case of alcoholism to go with your abusiveness?
Xander trembled, his anger giving way to shock. He’d just lost his shit and attacked Spike. For no better reason than Spike walking away from him. He pressed his lips into Spike’s hair and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
It was crap. A shit apology for actions Xander knew he could never take back. He stood up, and turned to go. No way he could face Spike, not after this. So much for your love, he berated himself.
“Xander.” That one word stopped him cold. He stood frozen, waiting for the blows or the screaming. When Spike’s hand touched his, he flinched.
“You know, when I…at the wedding, I swore I’d never hurt another person I loved. Pretty damn easy promise to keep when you don’t have anyone to love. That…what I just did…there’s no excuse, Spike.” Xander stared up at the sky, unable to turn and face the man he’d attacked. “I…Jesus, I just…I lost it. I hate this, I hate that you’re so willing to accept hell and I lost it.”
Spike’s hand snaked up his arm, pulling at him anxiously. Xander didn’t struggle or pull away. Whatever Spike was going to do, he more than had it coming.
The lips were a surprise. Spike’s hands were fisted in his hair, and the mouth that covered his was gentle, welcoming. That agile tongue was flickering around his, tempting, teasing. Xander gave in with a low groan, falling into this sweet kiss with his whole heart.
Spike pulled away first, leaving Xander dazed. He swayed slightly, reaching up to touch his own lips. They felt hot and swollen. Xander could only stare at the blonde in front of him, shocked.
“Still a demon,” Spike told him huskily. “No matter how much I want to be a man, I never will be. But for what it’s worth, I love you.”
Spike spun on his heel, striding back toward the house. Xander watched him go, uncertain if he’d been forgiven or condemned. A firm hand on his shoulder shook him out of his stupor.
“He’s a damn fine kisser, isn’t he,” Angel asked casually.
“Uh.” Xander looked over at Angel. He figured he’d get his words back soon, but right now he was confined to basic noises.
“Yeah,” Angel smiled at him. “That was pretty much how I reacted the first time he planted one on me. Come on. Looks like inquiring minds want to know.”
Xander followed Angel’s pointing finger and saw that Buffy’s porch was packed. The entire gang plus was standing there, watching him. That meant they’d probably seen the whole thing, from scary to sensual.
“I am so screwed.” Oh yay, Xander thought blankly. My words came back.
“Yeah,” Angel repeated with a gusty sigh. “That was my second thought after he kissed me. It’s worth it, though.”
Xander nodded and followed Angel. He didn’t have a choice. There wasn’t a person on that porch that couldn’t run him down if he fled. Hell, even Dawn did a better mile than he did.
“Wait,” Xander stopped dead. “Dawn?”
Rating: NC-17 overall
A/N: Did you ever have a fic run away from you? Good, that means it's not just me. I feel better now. X-posted to
darker_spike for challenge reasons, posted here for my memories.“No.” The words flew from his mouth. “I don’t accept that.”
Xander could feel the muscle in his jaw twitching. The pounding in his head was a nice counterpoint to the throbbing bass pouring out of the speakers. His hands clenched around steering wheel, knuckles blazing white from the strain.
“Not about accepting.” Spike’s voice was thick, heavy with exhaustion or irritation or something. Xander never paid much attention to those feeling charts Willow waived in his face. Who needed to differentiate between mad and angry? I’ll take “people who love vampires” for a thousand, Alex.
Shit! Shitshitshit! This was not in the fucking mission description. Sure Cordy, I’ll go out and save reality as we don’t know it. Fall in love with a vampire? Don’t mind if I do, thanks.
“You know Spike, for all the years you spent with us, you never did learn much,” Xander ground out. “I’m a Scooby. Impossible is what we do, remember? I don’t accept this, that no matter what you’re bound for hell. Fuck that.”
“A bit testy, mate,” Spike observed wryly. “Not like you’ll have to follow me down.”
Xander spun the steering wheel, swerving the car over the curb and into Buffy’s driveway. He sat there, engine running, for a full minute while he tried to calm down. Of all the things he’d done and seen, the worst had been that fake vision that showed him how close he was to becoming his father. He’d worked hard to leave that behind and he wasn’t going to start backsliding now.
He switched the car off, and turned to face Spike. The vampire’s face stood out among the shadows, almost incandescent. I was blind but now I see, Xander thought furiously. How do I make you see, you smug fucker?
“Listen to me, Spike. I don’t care if I’ve got reserved seats for the Express to heaven.” Xander could hear his own voice, the words so cold they left icicles on his tongue. “Maybe you got your vampire Zen working here, but I will not leave you to rot. So fuck you and fuck any Power that tries to stand in my way.”
Xander struggled, closing his eyes in an effort to tamp down the rising fury. It flooded his body, the heat moving from his belly to his chest. The snick of the door opening undid all his efforts.
He opened his eyes and saw Spike leaving. Like this was just an ordinary day, thanks for the lift, Harris. The scream lodged in his throat and Xander slid silently across the seat.
He tackled Spike, shoving the slighter man into the ground. Spike thrashed underneath him, cursing violently. Xander knew he was out of control and he couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to stop, truthfully. He wanted. Wanted to save, to hurt, to hate, to love. He just wanted.
He pushed forward, sinking his teeth into the back of Spike’s neck. The vampire howled, shuddering and bucking underneath him. The friction had Xander’s head spinning.
“Stop,” he hissed into Spike’s ear. “I swear, if you make me shoot in my jeans, I will make you regret it.”
Spike stilled instantly. Xander dropped his head until it met Spike’s. Spike could have tossed him aside easily. He knew it and he knew Spike knew it. So why didn’t Spike just throw him off?
Xander answered that one. Fear. He’d been at the mercy of humans too long. Hell, from the bits and pieces he’d heard, this had been Buffy’s preferred method of foreplay. No wonder Spike just laid there.
How did I get here, he thought desperately. Jesus, I attack him and then I threaten him. Way to go, Harris. Would you like a case of alcoholism to go with your abusiveness?
Xander trembled, his anger giving way to shock. He’d just lost his shit and attacked Spike. For no better reason than Spike walking away from him. He pressed his lips into Spike’s hair and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
It was crap. A shit apology for actions Xander knew he could never take back. He stood up, and turned to go. No way he could face Spike, not after this. So much for your love, he berated himself.
“Xander.” That one word stopped him cold. He stood frozen, waiting for the blows or the screaming. When Spike’s hand touched his, he flinched.
“You know, when I…at the wedding, I swore I’d never hurt another person I loved. Pretty damn easy promise to keep when you don’t have anyone to love. That…what I just did…there’s no excuse, Spike.” Xander stared up at the sky, unable to turn and face the man he’d attacked. “I…Jesus, I just…I lost it. I hate this, I hate that you’re so willing to accept hell and I lost it.”
Spike’s hand snaked up his arm, pulling at him anxiously. Xander didn’t struggle or pull away. Whatever Spike was going to do, he more than had it coming.
The lips were a surprise. Spike’s hands were fisted in his hair, and the mouth that covered his was gentle, welcoming. That agile tongue was flickering around his, tempting, teasing. Xander gave in with a low groan, falling into this sweet kiss with his whole heart.
Spike pulled away first, leaving Xander dazed. He swayed slightly, reaching up to touch his own lips. They felt hot and swollen. Xander could only stare at the blonde in front of him, shocked.
“Still a demon,” Spike told him huskily. “No matter how much I want to be a man, I never will be. But for what it’s worth, I love you.”
Spike spun on his heel, striding back toward the house. Xander watched him go, uncertain if he’d been forgiven or condemned. A firm hand on his shoulder shook him out of his stupor.
“He’s a damn fine kisser, isn’t he,” Angel asked casually.
“Uh.” Xander looked over at Angel. He figured he’d get his words back soon, but right now he was confined to basic noises.
“Yeah,” Angel smiled at him. “That was pretty much how I reacted the first time he planted one on me. Come on. Looks like inquiring minds want to know.”
Xander followed Angel’s pointing finger and saw that Buffy’s porch was packed. The entire gang plus was standing there, watching him. That meant they’d probably seen the whole thing, from scary to sensual.
“I am so screwed.” Oh yay, Xander thought blankly. My words came back.
“Yeah,” Angel repeated with a gusty sigh. “That was my second thought after he kissed me. It’s worth it, though.”
Xander nodded and followed Angel. He didn’t have a choice. There wasn’t a person on that porch that couldn’t run him down if he fled. Hell, even Dawn did a better mile than he did.
“Wait,” Xander stopped dead. “Dawn?”
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no subject
on 2007-08-14 12:44 pm (UTC)