A Road Covered With Blood
Aug. 5th, 2007 09:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevendeadlyfunPairing: Xander/Spike
Rating: NC-17 overall
A/N: I know, I confused the hell out everyone last chapter. I promise, all will be explained...in the next chapter! *ducks* X-posted todarker_spike for challenge reasons, posted here for my memories.
Xander closed his eyes, body rigid. He’d rather just skip all this and get to the graceful exit portion of the conversation. Not like he’d never been rejected before. He already knew the speech by heart. This time, it hurt rather than stung.
Not like he blamed Spike. Shit, they didn’t exactly part with hugs and kisses. Before now, the only touching that happened between them was of the violent kind. Jesus, he’d held a stake to Spike’s chest and unlike Buffy, he’d fully intended to use it.
Anya had screamed at him, called him a scared, insecure little boy and she’d been right. He hadn’t loved Spike, then. He was too frightened of himself to even think about things like that. No, he’d hated Spike because Spike was more of a man. He’d stood and took everything the world threw at him. No backing down or hiding for the Big Bad and Xander wanted that, wanted to be like that.
It had taken a lot of whiskey and a few years alone to figure out how to take it. Now that he was finally ready to give…this was tragically hysterical. No, he didn’t blame Spike. He just wanted to finish this up, make a new reality and get on with his life. Whatever that was in a new reality.
“Look at me.” Spike was close his words vibrated Xander’s skin.
Xander thought about refusing. Keeping his eyes closed was childish, but he figured that if a freight train was going hit you anyways, there was no reason to watch it happen. But, Spike had earned, more than earned, his pound of flesh. So if he wanted to watch Xander crumble, Xander was going to let him. He opened his eyes and stared straight at Spike.
“Better,” Spike said, and moved back fractionally. “Now let me see if I got this right. Spent so much time around you bleedin’ Scoobys, I’m betting I can map this out.”
Spike’s lips quirked into something that wasn’t quite a smile and wasn’t quite a sneer. Xander zeroed in on those mobile, firm lips. He knew what they tasted like, how they felt under his. His tongue snaked out in an almost unconscious attempt to taste Spike again.
“Right, so it goes something like this,” Spike said, changing the pitch of his voice to a rough approximation of Xander’s. “Oh woe is me, a Scooby far from home. I must do my heroic bit for the puppies and squishy souled vampires of the world. But, wait! I’m havin’ quivery feelings for Spike. I’ll just keep that a secret for a while then spring it on him all sudden like. That way, when he’s good an’ gobsmacked, I’ll be able to prance away like the bleedin’ martyr that I am.”
Spike looked at him, eyes intent and serious. Xander swallowed convulsively, stuck between maniacal laughter and gut busting sobs. It hadn’t been anything like that, but he supposed it must look that way.
“So, have I got it about right,” Spike queried cheerfully.
“You missed the bit where I went temporarily bugfuck,” Xander pointed out huskily. “Also, my feelings for you are not quivery. Girls quiver. I am not in a way a girl.”
“Too right,” Spike agreed. “So, what are your feelings? For the sake of clarity.”
Xander blinked. He sucked at this part. He wasn’t exactly great at manly or girly displays of emotion.
“For the sake of clarity,” Xander nodded at Spike. “I have no goddamned idea.”
“Well that’s a new twist on an old tale,” Spike replied. “Not madly in love with me, than?”
“Shit,” Xander chuckled. “You tell me what love is and I’ll tell you if I love you. I know that you’re the only thing that makes sense right now. I know when I touch, my skin snaps and sizzles. The thought of you not being here fucking hurts. Is that love? Fuck if I know, Spike.”
Xander stepped back, tense and almost angry. He was sick of this. Sick of not knowing what to say, sick of being worried that he was ruining reality again. He was starting to miss his crazy. At least when he was crazy, he knew what was going on. Crazy was a safe place to be.
“You’re asking me what love is,” Spike snorted. “Not sure I’d know if it jumped up and beat me bloody. ‘S what I thought love was, once upon a time. Thought it needed fire and blood and pain. Now? I think I’d like to sit a bit further from the fire.”
Xander smiled at that. No need for deep thought on that. He’d heard enough details, or at least round about references to, the Spike and Buffy show to know what Spike was talking about.
“So here we are,” Spike smirked. “Two truly damaged blokes with a yen for each other.”
“Ah,” Xander said in a deep and knowing way. “But, is it love?
“Might be, pet,” Spike answered him. “Might be. So what’s say we go find the others and get a good explanation?”
It might be. That was enough for now. Xander jerked his head towards the door and Spike sketched a little bow. They headed down the stairs, and just as they reached the bottom, Xander took a deep breath and turned to Spike.
“It might be love,” he said in satisfaction.
Spike looked at him, and sighed in that put upon way he must have spent an entire unlifetime perfecting. He nodded and Xander could only smile.
“Than I guess it’s okay for me to do this,” Xander concluded, and leaned in to capture Spike’s lips.
They were just like he remembered them, slightly cooler than his own and damn delicious. He pressed forward, his tongue lapping at the seam. Spike’s lips parted and Xander dove in, sweeping up through the moist cavern.
He pulled back abruptly, and smiled again. With that, he strolled off towards Angel’s office, whistling under his breath.
Rating: NC-17 overall
A/N: I know, I confused the hell out everyone last chapter. I promise, all will be explained...in the next chapter! *ducks* X-posted to
darker_spike for challenge reasons, posted here for my memories.Xander closed his eyes, body rigid. He’d rather just skip all this and get to the graceful exit portion of the conversation. Not like he’d never been rejected before. He already knew the speech by heart. This time, it hurt rather than stung.
Not like he blamed Spike. Shit, they didn’t exactly part with hugs and kisses. Before now, the only touching that happened between them was of the violent kind. Jesus, he’d held a stake to Spike’s chest and unlike Buffy, he’d fully intended to use it.
Anya had screamed at him, called him a scared, insecure little boy and she’d been right. He hadn’t loved Spike, then. He was too frightened of himself to even think about things like that. No, he’d hated Spike because Spike was more of a man. He’d stood and took everything the world threw at him. No backing down or hiding for the Big Bad and Xander wanted that, wanted to be like that.
It had taken a lot of whiskey and a few years alone to figure out how to take it. Now that he was finally ready to give…this was tragically hysterical. No, he didn’t blame Spike. He just wanted to finish this up, make a new reality and get on with his life. Whatever that was in a new reality.
“Look at me.” Spike was close his words vibrated Xander’s skin.
Xander thought about refusing. Keeping his eyes closed was childish, but he figured that if a freight train was going hit you anyways, there was no reason to watch it happen. But, Spike had earned, more than earned, his pound of flesh. So if he wanted to watch Xander crumble, Xander was going to let him. He opened his eyes and stared straight at Spike.
“Better,” Spike said, and moved back fractionally. “Now let me see if I got this right. Spent so much time around you bleedin’ Scoobys, I’m betting I can map this out.”
Spike’s lips quirked into something that wasn’t quite a smile and wasn’t quite a sneer. Xander zeroed in on those mobile, firm lips. He knew what they tasted like, how they felt under his. His tongue snaked out in an almost unconscious attempt to taste Spike again.
“Right, so it goes something like this,” Spike said, changing the pitch of his voice to a rough approximation of Xander’s. “Oh woe is me, a Scooby far from home. I must do my heroic bit for the puppies and squishy souled vampires of the world. But, wait! I’m havin’ quivery feelings for Spike. I’ll just keep that a secret for a while then spring it on him all sudden like. That way, when he’s good an’ gobsmacked, I’ll be able to prance away like the bleedin’ martyr that I am.”
Spike looked at him, eyes intent and serious. Xander swallowed convulsively, stuck between maniacal laughter and gut busting sobs. It hadn’t been anything like that, but he supposed it must look that way.
“So, have I got it about right,” Spike queried cheerfully.
“You missed the bit where I went temporarily bugfuck,” Xander pointed out huskily. “Also, my feelings for you are not quivery. Girls quiver. I am not in a way a girl.”
“Too right,” Spike agreed. “So, what are your feelings? For the sake of clarity.”
Xander blinked. He sucked at this part. He wasn’t exactly great at manly or girly displays of emotion.
“For the sake of clarity,” Xander nodded at Spike. “I have no goddamned idea.”
“Well that’s a new twist on an old tale,” Spike replied. “Not madly in love with me, than?”
“Shit,” Xander chuckled. “You tell me what love is and I’ll tell you if I love you. I know that you’re the only thing that makes sense right now. I know when I touch, my skin snaps and sizzles. The thought of you not being here fucking hurts. Is that love? Fuck if I know, Spike.”
Xander stepped back, tense and almost angry. He was sick of this. Sick of not knowing what to say, sick of being worried that he was ruining reality again. He was starting to miss his crazy. At least when he was crazy, he knew what was going on. Crazy was a safe place to be.
“You’re asking me what love is,” Spike snorted. “Not sure I’d know if it jumped up and beat me bloody. ‘S what I thought love was, once upon a time. Thought it needed fire and blood and pain. Now? I think I’d like to sit a bit further from the fire.”
Xander smiled at that. No need for deep thought on that. He’d heard enough details, or at least round about references to, the Spike and Buffy show to know what Spike was talking about.
“So here we are,” Spike smirked. “Two truly damaged blokes with a yen for each other.”
“Ah,” Xander said in a deep and knowing way. “But, is it love?
“Might be, pet,” Spike answered him. “Might be. So what’s say we go find the others and get a good explanation?”
It might be. That was enough for now. Xander jerked his head towards the door and Spike sketched a little bow. They headed down the stairs, and just as they reached the bottom, Xander took a deep breath and turned to Spike.
“It might be love,” he said in satisfaction.
Spike looked at him, and sighed in that put upon way he must have spent an entire unlifetime perfecting. He nodded and Xander could only smile.
“Than I guess it’s okay for me to do this,” Xander concluded, and leaned in to capture Spike’s lips.
They were just like he remembered them, slightly cooler than his own and damn delicious. He pressed forward, his tongue lapping at the seam. Spike’s lips parted and Xander dove in, sweeping up through the moist cavern.
He pulled back abruptly, and smiled again. With that, he strolled off towards Angel’s office, whistling under his breath.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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on 2007-08-06 02:27 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-08-06 03:47 pm (UTC)Yay! You love it! That's the best thing I've heard so far...
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on 2007-08-06 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2007-08-07 02:35 am (UTC)SMOOCHES!
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on 2007-08-06 10:22 pm (UTC)Thanks for another entertaining, emotional chapter.
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on 2007-08-07 02:36 am (UTC)Glad you liked it!
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on 2007-08-08 12:06 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-08-08 04:18 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-12-20 01:42 am (UTC)