Live The Question
Mar. 7th, 2007 12:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevendeadlyfunPairing: Various (Spike/Angel this chapter)
Rating: NC-17 overall (R this chapter)
Warnings: language, m/m kissing, implied slash
A/N: I took a bit of a break and the hardest bits are still left to go. Thank you for all the comments. They keep me focused and on task. Feedback greatly appreciated, as always!
Rating: NC-17 overall (R this chapter)
Warnings: language, m/m kissing, implied slash
A/N: I took a bit of a break and the hardest bits are still left to go. Thank you for all the comments. They keep me focused and on task. Feedback greatly appreciated, as always!
Angel followed his nose. Spike’s scent was engraved in his mind, and the thick trail of lust and shame made for easy tracking. Well, that and the fact that the sewers echoed. He could hear the growls and grunts a mile away.
Rounding a corner, he stared at Spike and wondered if his Childe had finally gone completely insane. Trust Spike to go out and pick a fight with the biggest, nastiest, most dangerous demon he could find. Spike, fists and fangs flying, stood in the middle of three Nura’nchai demons. Seven feet tall with four arms that ended in razor sharp claws, the Nura’nchai were avoided by almost every other demon species on the planet, especially vampires. Nura’nchai fed on vampires, with vampire blood considered a wonderful delicacy.
Angel watched as Spike threw himself into the fray, dancing in and out of range. One of the Nura’nchai swiped at him, raking a talon over Spike’s cheek. Anger won over self-preservation, and growling, Angel hefted his sword and joined the fight.
Spike, normally a chatty fighter, silently nodded at Angel. Angel, now unbelievably worried, whirled around, slicing off the head of the nearest Nura’nchai. His leg kicked back, and knocked the second one of its feet. With a swift, fluid motion, his sword arced downwards, and another head rolled away.
Spike, taking the hint, launched himself at the last remaining demon and with a roar, ripped the head off the body. Angel, watching impassively, saw the body crumple to the ground. Instead of celebrating, Spike just stood there, shoulders hunched.
“Feel better,” Angel asked quietly.
“No,” Spike answered, barely above a whisper.
“Want to tell me why you were trying to kill yourself?”
“Wasn’t,” Spike contradicted.
Angel shot forward, pushing Spike face first into the sewer wall. His breath ruffled the short curls at the base of Spike’s neck and he inhaled deeply, loving the spicy, salty smell of his Childe. The deep base scents of musk, whiskey, and tobacco were overlaid with the tang of sorrow and pain. Angel cursed softly as blood rushed to his groin, filling and stiffening his cock. This was definitely not the time, he thought.
“Don’t lie to me, boy,” Angel hissed. “If I’m damned to fight the good fight, you get to be damned right along with me.”
“Been damned for a long time, ‘Gelus,” Spike murmured. “Can’t remember what it feels like to be clean, it’s been so long.”
“So, this is…what? Penance? Seeking a little absolution in the cannon’s mouth? Hate to tell you this, Spike, but We. Are. Never. Absolved,” Angel said emphatically. “When you and I finally float away on the breeze, we’re going straight to Hell.”
“Too late,” Spike chuckled mirthlessly. “ ‘M already there. Had a chip, got a soul, lived a hundred and twenty years and I still can’t get it right. No leash strong enough for this bad dog, Peaches.”
“What the fuck are you talking about,” Angel ground out.
“ I hurt him. I didn’t mean to, just lost my head. He was so warm, so sweet. Lost my head and now he’s suffering for it,” Spike whispered back. “All the boy wanted was a bit o’love, and I promised, Angel! Promised I wouldn’t hurt him! So, yeah, I went out looking for payback.”
Angel stilled, arm still holding Spike into the wall. Xander. Spike was talking about Xander. They had gone upstairs together and Angel wasn’t an idiot. He’d smelled the pheromones pouring off the boy for years.
“You wanted to be punished,” Angel said flatly.
“ ‘S what you taught me,” Spike admitted. “Bad boys get punished. Only way, Angel. Can’t ever make up what I did to him.”
The muffled sob that followed hit Angel like a blow to the solar plexus. His boy, hurt and in need of comfort. Spike, wrestling with his soul and his demon. Like me, Angel thought sadly.
“I know what it means to be lost,” Angel crooned, easing Spike away from the wall and into his arms. “ You’re right. You’ll never be able to make it up to him. He’ll never understand what it means, to be a demon with a soul. The fight exhausts you, makes you weak. But listen to me, little one. The fact that you’re still fighting is all that matters. I’ve given up so many times, on my soul, my destiny, on the world.”
“Not giving up,” Spike sniffled. “Just tired. I wanted to get lost, and I did. Didn’t much care for it.”
“I’m sorry,” Angel said, face buried in stiff blonde curls.
“What for,” Spike sighed. “ Not your confessor, Angel. Got enough burdens of my own to carry. You want forgiveness? See a priest.”
“It’s not forgiveness I’m after,” Angel admitted, hips rocking slightly. “It’s you. I gave up again, after the fight. I went to Faith because it was easy. No emotions, no attachments, just bodies in the dark. After I…that night? I woke up and you were there, still holding me.”
“Couldn’t stomach being close to me again, eh?”
“No,” Angel breathed into Spike’s temple. “I liked it too much. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed being close to you. Jesus, I all but shoved Dru out of the way to get to you the night you died. I wanted you. Want you. And I’m afraid.”
“Of what,” Spike asked, curious.
“That if I have you once, I’ll never be able to stop. No matter how many times I give up, I need to do this. I need the mission, need to help. It’s the only thing I have to remind me of what it’s like to be a good man.”
“An’ being with me? It’ll ruin your redemption,” Spike concluded, leaning forward to rest his head on the wall. “Yeah, I get it. ‘M evil, pet. Don’t have to remind me. Got enough reminders, ta ever so.”
“No,” Angel growled fiercely. “I’m afraid I won’t care about anything else. I’ll toss the mission, and everything else aside, just to be with you. And that scares me.”
Long moments passed, silence broken only by the constant drip drip drip of water. Angel fought the impulse to drag Spike to him, to crush their mouths together and reclaim his boy. Whatever happened next had to come from Spike.
Spike turned, bringing his tear-stained face up to stare at Angel. Angel met the piercing gaze without flinching, his thoughts racing but his face calm. Finally, Spike smiled.
“You tosser,” Spike said sweetly. “You complete fucking git.”
Spike pressed a harsh kiss to Angel’s lips and sauntered off, leaving the dark vampire stunned. Angel watched him walk away and realized that, once again, Spike had seen through him. As Spike disappeared, Angel rocked back on his heels at the thought that maybe tonight he wouldn’t be sleeping alone. Whistling happily, Angel shouldered his sword and followed his beautiful Childe out of the sewers.
Rounding a corner, he stared at Spike and wondered if his Childe had finally gone completely insane. Trust Spike to go out and pick a fight with the biggest, nastiest, most dangerous demon he could find. Spike, fists and fangs flying, stood in the middle of three Nura’nchai demons. Seven feet tall with four arms that ended in razor sharp claws, the Nura’nchai were avoided by almost every other demon species on the planet, especially vampires. Nura’nchai fed on vampires, with vampire blood considered a wonderful delicacy.
Angel watched as Spike threw himself into the fray, dancing in and out of range. One of the Nura’nchai swiped at him, raking a talon over Spike’s cheek. Anger won over self-preservation, and growling, Angel hefted his sword and joined the fight.
Spike, normally a chatty fighter, silently nodded at Angel. Angel, now unbelievably worried, whirled around, slicing off the head of the nearest Nura’nchai. His leg kicked back, and knocked the second one of its feet. With a swift, fluid motion, his sword arced downwards, and another head rolled away.
Spike, taking the hint, launched himself at the last remaining demon and with a roar, ripped the head off the body. Angel, watching impassively, saw the body crumple to the ground. Instead of celebrating, Spike just stood there, shoulders hunched.
“Feel better,” Angel asked quietly.
“No,” Spike answered, barely above a whisper.
“Want to tell me why you were trying to kill yourself?”
“Wasn’t,” Spike contradicted.
Angel shot forward, pushing Spike face first into the sewer wall. His breath ruffled the short curls at the base of Spike’s neck and he inhaled deeply, loving the spicy, salty smell of his Childe. The deep base scents of musk, whiskey, and tobacco were overlaid with the tang of sorrow and pain. Angel cursed softly as blood rushed to his groin, filling and stiffening his cock. This was definitely not the time, he thought.
“Don’t lie to me, boy,” Angel hissed. “If I’m damned to fight the good fight, you get to be damned right along with me.”
“Been damned for a long time, ‘Gelus,” Spike murmured. “Can’t remember what it feels like to be clean, it’s been so long.”
“So, this is…what? Penance? Seeking a little absolution in the cannon’s mouth? Hate to tell you this, Spike, but We. Are. Never. Absolved,” Angel said emphatically. “When you and I finally float away on the breeze, we’re going straight to Hell.”
“Too late,” Spike chuckled mirthlessly. “ ‘M already there. Had a chip, got a soul, lived a hundred and twenty years and I still can’t get it right. No leash strong enough for this bad dog, Peaches.”
“What the fuck are you talking about,” Angel ground out.
“ I hurt him. I didn’t mean to, just lost my head. He was so warm, so sweet. Lost my head and now he’s suffering for it,” Spike whispered back. “All the boy wanted was a bit o’love, and I promised, Angel! Promised I wouldn’t hurt him! So, yeah, I went out looking for payback.”
Angel stilled, arm still holding Spike into the wall. Xander. Spike was talking about Xander. They had gone upstairs together and Angel wasn’t an idiot. He’d smelled the pheromones pouring off the boy for years.
“You wanted to be punished,” Angel said flatly.
“ ‘S what you taught me,” Spike admitted. “Bad boys get punished. Only way, Angel. Can’t ever make up what I did to him.”
The muffled sob that followed hit Angel like a blow to the solar plexus. His boy, hurt and in need of comfort. Spike, wrestling with his soul and his demon. Like me, Angel thought sadly.
“I know what it means to be lost,” Angel crooned, easing Spike away from the wall and into his arms. “ You’re right. You’ll never be able to make it up to him. He’ll never understand what it means, to be a demon with a soul. The fight exhausts you, makes you weak. But listen to me, little one. The fact that you’re still fighting is all that matters. I’ve given up so many times, on my soul, my destiny, on the world.”
“Not giving up,” Spike sniffled. “Just tired. I wanted to get lost, and I did. Didn’t much care for it.”
“I’m sorry,” Angel said, face buried in stiff blonde curls.
“What for,” Spike sighed. “ Not your confessor, Angel. Got enough burdens of my own to carry. You want forgiveness? See a priest.”
“It’s not forgiveness I’m after,” Angel admitted, hips rocking slightly. “It’s you. I gave up again, after the fight. I went to Faith because it was easy. No emotions, no attachments, just bodies in the dark. After I…that night? I woke up and you were there, still holding me.”
“Couldn’t stomach being close to me again, eh?”
“No,” Angel breathed into Spike’s temple. “I liked it too much. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed being close to you. Jesus, I all but shoved Dru out of the way to get to you the night you died. I wanted you. Want you. And I’m afraid.”
“Of what,” Spike asked, curious.
“That if I have you once, I’ll never be able to stop. No matter how many times I give up, I need to do this. I need the mission, need to help. It’s the only thing I have to remind me of what it’s like to be a good man.”
“An’ being with me? It’ll ruin your redemption,” Spike concluded, leaning forward to rest his head on the wall. “Yeah, I get it. ‘M evil, pet. Don’t have to remind me. Got enough reminders, ta ever so.”
“No,” Angel growled fiercely. “I’m afraid I won’t care about anything else. I’ll toss the mission, and everything else aside, just to be with you. And that scares me.”
Long moments passed, silence broken only by the constant drip drip drip of water. Angel fought the impulse to drag Spike to him, to crush their mouths together and reclaim his boy. Whatever happened next had to come from Spike.
Spike turned, bringing his tear-stained face up to stare at Angel. Angel met the piercing gaze without flinching, his thoughts racing but his face calm. Finally, Spike smiled.
“You tosser,” Spike said sweetly. “You complete fucking git.”
Spike pressed a harsh kiss to Angel’s lips and sauntered off, leaving the dark vampire stunned. Angel watched him walk away and realized that, once again, Spike had seen through him. As Spike disappeared, Angel rocked back on his heels at the thought that maybe tonight he wouldn’t be sleeping alone. Whistling happily, Angel shouldered his sword and followed his beautiful Childe out of the sewers.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2007-03-07 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-09 03:28 am (UTC)Update in the next few days. One of my profs is being stupid, so it takes a bit of my attention from this. Plus, I'm writing like three fics at once. Silly me!
no subject
on 2007-03-09 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-11 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-11 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-07 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-09 03:29 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-07 06:25 am (UTC)*sniffle*
no subject
on 2007-03-09 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-09 03:39 am (UTC)Squee!
Just sockless?
*leer*
no subject
on 2007-03-11 04:38 am (UTC)::snuggles up and starts petting::
no subject
on 2007-03-11 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-20 04:21 am (UTC)