okay this entire chapter is just Dawn deciding to ask Tara to help get to Spike... it should be much shorter.
Don't repeat, if you can help it.
It wasn’t “the world’s gonna end” bad. It didn’t have that special last night on earth vibe.
No, this was regular bad.
Could be cut, for example - we don't need it pointed out what the situation isn't. Or condense to just "Not that special last night on earth vibe, just regular bad."?
She didn’t know why he was mad, and it was darn fact that he wouldn’t tell her.
Again, we know she doesn't know, no need to tell us. And you explain later that he wouldn't tell her, so I'd omit.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2009-01-10 04:34 pm (UTC)Don't repeat, if you can help it.
It wasn’t “the world’s gonna end” bad. It didn’t have that special last night on earth vibe.
No, this was regular bad.
Could be cut, for example - we don't need it pointed out what the situation isn't. Or condense to just "Not that special last night on earth vibe, just regular bad."?
She didn’t know why he was mad, and it was darn fact that he wouldn’t tell her.
Again, we know she doesn't know, no need to tell us. And you explain later that he wouldn't tell her, so I'd omit.