Family Time
Aug. 23rd, 2007 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevendeadlyfunPairing: Angelus/Darla/Spike/Drusilla
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Co-written withkidcylone because we were bored and felt snerky.
Warnings: Crack!fic, porn fairies, wanktastic mentions, and character mockery
(Call_Me_Madame joins Family Time chat)
(ScourgeofEurope_264 joints Family Time chat)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Is this thing on?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Darla? Is that you?
Call_Me_Madame: Who else would it be?
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’m not used to these things.
(Spike joins Family Time chat)
Spike: Heh. Nice name…
Call_Me_Madame: What are YOU doing here? Isn’t it past your bedtime?
ScourgeofEurope_264: William! I told you Madame and I were going to spend some private time together.
Spike: No such thing as private on the Web on the web, mate.
Spike: And that’s not the tune you were singing when you were begging me to teach you how to log on…
ScourgeofEurope_264: Begging! I was not!
Call_Me_Madame: Whatever. Angelus, if you’d bother to learn about anything created after the Civil War, you might be able to manage these things better.
(SockPuppet joins Family Time chat)
Spike: He told me I could stay up as late as I want and use the bloody computer. We had a deal!
SockPuppet: Daddy?
Call_Me_Madame: Drusilla, dear, aren’t you supposed to be bathing?
SockPuppet: I’m all clean now, Mummy.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Drusilla dearling…How’s Daddy’s best girl tonight?
Call_Me_Madame: Oh, she’s your best girl?
Spike: *snogs Drusilla*
Spike: *Licks Drusilla’s fingertips*
SockPuppet: Stop, William. I just got out of the bath!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Darla, you’re my best woman.
Spike: Besides Madame, you look shite in green…
ScourgeofEurope_264: WILLIAM!
SockPuppet: Daddy! I have a question for you. It’s rather urgent.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Of course, Poppet. And what is it that you want to ask? Do you miss your Daddy?
Spike: She misses me, don’t you, love?
SockPuppet: How could I miss you? You’re right here!
Call_Me_Madame: Good point, Drusilla.
SockPuppet: And besides, Mummy is rather entertaining, in her own way.
Call_Me_Madame: Thank you, dear. At least someone appreciates me…
ScourgeofEurope_264: Of course, I appreciate you! I'm on this feckin’ Internode for you, aren’t I?
Spike: Yep, that’s love. Particularly when he’s too thick to actually know the name.
Call_Me_Madame: I’d read that internet anonymity emboldens people. I never thought I’d see it in action.
ScourgeofEurope_264: In a minute, I’m going to step away from the keyboard and beat William’s arse for that bit of cheek.
SockPuppet: No, Daddy. I still have to ask you my question!
Call_Me_Madame: Angelus, let the wretched girl ask her question so she and William can go to bed. Maybe then we’ll get half a moments peace.
Spike: I thought you two were here for a bit of left-handed typing!
ScourgeofEurope_264: What in 9 hells does being left-handed have to do with this?
Spike: You really did pick a sick one, didn’t you Madame? Galway’s Rhodes Scholar, this one.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Is he insulting me again?
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’ve had just about enough of this shite!
SockPuppet: Daddy, is the internet really for porn?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Did she just say what I think she said?
Spike: Brilliant musical, luv!
ScourgeofEurope_264: What? What’s this crap? You’re commenting on theater after Drusilla asked me about pornography?
ScourgeofEurope_264: How does she even know about any of that?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Get in here so I can beat your arse!
Spike: Sorry, Pater. Using the Starbuck’s Wi-Fi…
ScourgeofEurope_264: See what happens when you abandon me for a Paris shopping spree? The brat thinks he can do as he pleases.
Call_Me_Madame: Well, if you’d bother to keep tabs on him, this wouldn’t happen to you.
Call_Me_Madame: Spike, why is Drusilla asking about internet pornography?
Spike: Don’t get your knickers in a twist, pet. It’s a blood musical.
SockPuppet: The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn, why you think the ‘Net was born? PORN PORN PORN!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Drusilla, stop that this instant!
SockPuppet: But, the fairies, Daddy!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Fairies have nothing to do with this Drusilla!
SockPuppet: Yes, they do, Daddy.
ScourgeofEurope_264: And just what in do fairies have to do with this utter rubbish William’s being teaching you about pornography?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Which he’ll be paying for later, I might add.
SockPuppet: The porn fairies, Daddy.
Call_Me_Madame: You had to ask. I’ve warned you a dozen times. Don’t ask. It never helps. But do you listen?
Call_Me_Madame: NO
ScourgeofEurope_264: What, by all the Master’s minions, is a porn fairy?
SockPuppet: Oh, Daddy! They’re lovely. All creamy and sweet and they make me tingle in the best places…
Spike: Thought that was my job!
Spike: And don’t try to blame this on me. She came up with this nonsense on her own.
Spike: Who ever heard of a sodding porn fairy, Dru?
SockPuppet: Oh there are sodding ones.
SockPuppet: But there are ones that like girls, too. And ones that like girls and boys at the same time.
SockPuppet: Porn fairies are terribly fickle, you know, William.
Spike: Like some girls I could mention!
SockPuppet: Oh William, don’t pout.
SockPuppet: You can have one all your own.
Call_Me_Madame: That’s it! Bedtime for all terribly ungrateful and irritating brats.
SockPuppet: Yay! We can stay up forever!
Spike: You heard the lady, Angelus! Off to beddys!
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’m going to come down to that cheap excuse for a coffeehouse and wrap your guts around your throat.
Spike: Promises, promises!
SockPuppet: DADDY!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Now what?
SockPuppet: My head is pasted on!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Darla, did you let you the lass feed off drunkards tonight?
Call_me_Madame: No drunkards. A few crack addicts perhaps...
ScourgeofEurope_264: You can be serious?!?
Call_Me_Madame: Of course not. Unlike some poor excuses for sires, I know how to take care of MY children.
Spike: We’re missing you terribly, Madam.
Call_Me_Madame: That’s very sweet of you, William.
Spike: We’re all sad and hungry and lonely.
Call_Me_Madame: For that bit of adorable bootlicking, I’ll only chain you for two days instead of the usual week.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Oh, I see!
ScourgeofEurope_264: When Darla makes a threat, you start behaving.
Spike: Not a bloody idiot, am I? The female of the species and all that, mate.
Call_Me_Madame: Perhaps it’s because I actually carry out my threats, Angelus!
SockPuppet: DADDY! My head!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Right. I’ve a good mind to let Madame have her way in this.
Call_Me_Madame: Let me?
ScourgeofEurope_264: First, you fill Drusilla’s head with this porn fairy nonsense.
Call_Me_Madame: How generous of you. I can see William will have some company while he's in chains...
ScourgeofEurope_264: And now she’s talking shite about her head being pasted on…
Call_Me_Madame: I’m not so sure you can blame that on William.
Call_Me_Madame: After all, she might have come up with that one on her own…
Spike: Too bloody right she did!
Spike: Dru, luv, is your head pasted on straight?
SockPuppet: Hold on, let me check.
Spike: Well, that’s bought us few minutes. She always forgets about the mirrors…
ScourgeofEurope_264: While she’s off than, I want a serious word with you, lad!
ScourgeofEurope_264: I can’t believe you exposed that innocent lamb to dirty sordid pictures!
Spike: Christ, mate! Warn a bloke before you make a joke like that!
Spike: I just spit coffee everywhere!
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’M NOT JOKING!!1!1
Call_Me_Madame: Right. Because after your rape the girl and murder her entire family just for fun, pornography is the last thing she should have to endure!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Darla!
Call_Me_Madame: Oh goodie! You’ve learnt to spell my name.
ScourgeofEurope_264: This is our Dru we’re talking about!
ScourgeofEurope_264: My sweet wee baby girl!
Call_Me_Madame: The same sweet wee baby girl you had chained to our bed while you took your pleasure in multiple orifices?
Spike: Ah, there’s one for Hallmark! Wonder if they have a card…
SockPuppet: Spike, I checked!
SockPuppet: It is on straight.
Spike: Cheers, luv. No problems then!
SockPuppet: YAY!
Call_Me_Madame: Angelus, since we obviously can’t have an actual conversation here, I’m off to bed.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Wait, what?
(Call_Me_Madame is offline)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Just kick them out! Isn’t there a way to lock the door or something?
Spike: Too late, old man. She’s scarpered!
SockPuppet: Good night, Daddy! I hope the porn fairies bring you pleasant dreams!
(Sockpuppet is offline)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Don’t tell me you’re leaving too, damn it!
Spike: Well, that’s my cue. I’ve got a date with a blonde mochachino drinker.
Spike: It’s brilliant how these birds are attracted to a bloke with a laptop.
(Spike is offline)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Damn it, William! You can’t leave me hanging here!
(Bangel_Foreva joins Family Time chat)
Bangel_Foreva: ScourgeOfEurope_264? What are you, some Angel wannabe?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Fuck, I can't get away from you freaks!
(ScourgeOfEurope_264 is offline)
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Co-written with
kidcylone because we were bored and felt snerky. Warnings: Crack!fic, porn fairies, wanktastic mentions, and character mockery
(Call_Me_Madame joins Family Time chat)
(ScourgeofEurope_264 joints Family Time chat)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Is this thing on?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Darla? Is that you?
Call_Me_Madame: Who else would it be?
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’m not used to these things.
(Spike joins Family Time chat)
Spike: Heh. Nice name…
Call_Me_Madame: What are YOU doing here? Isn’t it past your bedtime?
ScourgeofEurope_264: William! I told you Madame and I were going to spend some private time together.
Spike: No such thing as private on the Web on the web, mate.
Spike: And that’s not the tune you were singing when you were begging me to teach you how to log on…
ScourgeofEurope_264: Begging! I was not!
Call_Me_Madame: Whatever. Angelus, if you’d bother to learn about anything created after the Civil War, you might be able to manage these things better.
(SockPuppet joins Family Time chat)
Spike: He told me I could stay up as late as I want and use the bloody computer. We had a deal!
SockPuppet: Daddy?
Call_Me_Madame: Drusilla, dear, aren’t you supposed to be bathing?
SockPuppet: I’m all clean now, Mummy.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Drusilla dearling…How’s Daddy’s best girl tonight?
Call_Me_Madame: Oh, she’s your best girl?
Spike: *snogs Drusilla*
Spike: *Licks Drusilla’s fingertips*
SockPuppet: Stop, William. I just got out of the bath!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Darla, you’re my best woman.
Spike: Besides Madame, you look shite in green…
ScourgeofEurope_264: WILLIAM!
SockPuppet: Daddy! I have a question for you. It’s rather urgent.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Of course, Poppet. And what is it that you want to ask? Do you miss your Daddy?
Spike: She misses me, don’t you, love?
SockPuppet: How could I miss you? You’re right here!
Call_Me_Madame: Good point, Drusilla.
SockPuppet: And besides, Mummy is rather entertaining, in her own way.
Call_Me_Madame: Thank you, dear. At least someone appreciates me…
ScourgeofEurope_264: Of course, I appreciate you! I'm on this feckin’ Internode for you, aren’t I?
Spike: Yep, that’s love. Particularly when he’s too thick to actually know the name.
Call_Me_Madame: I’d read that internet anonymity emboldens people. I never thought I’d see it in action.
ScourgeofEurope_264: In a minute, I’m going to step away from the keyboard and beat William’s arse for that bit of cheek.
SockPuppet: No, Daddy. I still have to ask you my question!
Call_Me_Madame: Angelus, let the wretched girl ask her question so she and William can go to bed. Maybe then we’ll get half a moments peace.
Spike: I thought you two were here for a bit of left-handed typing!
ScourgeofEurope_264: What in 9 hells does being left-handed have to do with this?
Spike: You really did pick a sick one, didn’t you Madame? Galway’s Rhodes Scholar, this one.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Is he insulting me again?
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’ve had just about enough of this shite!
SockPuppet: Daddy, is the internet really for porn?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Did she just say what I think she said?
Spike: Brilliant musical, luv!
ScourgeofEurope_264: What? What’s this crap? You’re commenting on theater after Drusilla asked me about pornography?
ScourgeofEurope_264: How does she even know about any of that?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Get in here so I can beat your arse!
Spike: Sorry, Pater. Using the Starbuck’s Wi-Fi…
ScourgeofEurope_264: See what happens when you abandon me for a Paris shopping spree? The brat thinks he can do as he pleases.
Call_Me_Madame: Well, if you’d bother to keep tabs on him, this wouldn’t happen to you.
Call_Me_Madame: Spike, why is Drusilla asking about internet pornography?
Spike: Don’t get your knickers in a twist, pet. It’s a blood musical.
SockPuppet: The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn, why you think the ‘Net was born? PORN PORN PORN!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Drusilla, stop that this instant!
SockPuppet: But, the fairies, Daddy!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Fairies have nothing to do with this Drusilla!
SockPuppet: Yes, they do, Daddy.
ScourgeofEurope_264: And just what in do fairies have to do with this utter rubbish William’s being teaching you about pornography?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Which he’ll be paying for later, I might add.
SockPuppet: The porn fairies, Daddy.
Call_Me_Madame: You had to ask. I’ve warned you a dozen times. Don’t ask. It never helps. But do you listen?
Call_Me_Madame: NO
ScourgeofEurope_264: What, by all the Master’s minions, is a porn fairy?
SockPuppet: Oh, Daddy! They’re lovely. All creamy and sweet and they make me tingle in the best places…
Spike: Thought that was my job!
Spike: And don’t try to blame this on me. She came up with this nonsense on her own.
Spike: Who ever heard of a sodding porn fairy, Dru?
SockPuppet: Oh there are sodding ones.
SockPuppet: But there are ones that like girls, too. And ones that like girls and boys at the same time.
SockPuppet: Porn fairies are terribly fickle, you know, William.
Spike: Like some girls I could mention!
SockPuppet: Oh William, don’t pout.
SockPuppet: You can have one all your own.
Call_Me_Madame: That’s it! Bedtime for all terribly ungrateful and irritating brats.
SockPuppet: Yay! We can stay up forever!
Spike: You heard the lady, Angelus! Off to beddys!
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’m going to come down to that cheap excuse for a coffeehouse and wrap your guts around your throat.
Spike: Promises, promises!
SockPuppet: DADDY!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Now what?
SockPuppet: My head is pasted on!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Darla, did you let you the lass feed off drunkards tonight?
Call_me_Madame: No drunkards. A few crack addicts perhaps...
ScourgeofEurope_264: You can be serious?!?
Call_Me_Madame: Of course not. Unlike some poor excuses for sires, I know how to take care of MY children.
Spike: We’re missing you terribly, Madam.
Call_Me_Madame: That’s very sweet of you, William.
Spike: We’re all sad and hungry and lonely.
Call_Me_Madame: For that bit of adorable bootlicking, I’ll only chain you for two days instead of the usual week.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Oh, I see!
ScourgeofEurope_264: When Darla makes a threat, you start behaving.
Spike: Not a bloody idiot, am I? The female of the species and all that, mate.
Call_Me_Madame: Perhaps it’s because I actually carry out my threats, Angelus!
SockPuppet: DADDY! My head!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Right. I’ve a good mind to let Madame have her way in this.
Call_Me_Madame: Let me?
ScourgeofEurope_264: First, you fill Drusilla’s head with this porn fairy nonsense.
Call_Me_Madame: How generous of you. I can see William will have some company while he's in chains...
ScourgeofEurope_264: And now she’s talking shite about her head being pasted on…
Call_Me_Madame: I’m not so sure you can blame that on William.
Call_Me_Madame: After all, she might have come up with that one on her own…
Spike: Too bloody right she did!
Spike: Dru, luv, is your head pasted on straight?
SockPuppet: Hold on, let me check.
Spike: Well, that’s bought us few minutes. She always forgets about the mirrors…
ScourgeofEurope_264: While she’s off than, I want a serious word with you, lad!
ScourgeofEurope_264: I can’t believe you exposed that innocent lamb to dirty sordid pictures!
Spike: Christ, mate! Warn a bloke before you make a joke like that!
Spike: I just spit coffee everywhere!
ScourgeofEurope_264: I’M NOT JOKING!!1!1
Call_Me_Madame: Right. Because after your rape the girl and murder her entire family just for fun, pornography is the last thing she should have to endure!
ScourgeofEurope_264: Darla!
Call_Me_Madame: Oh goodie! You’ve learnt to spell my name.
ScourgeofEurope_264: This is our Dru we’re talking about!
ScourgeofEurope_264: My sweet wee baby girl!
Call_Me_Madame: The same sweet wee baby girl you had chained to our bed while you took your pleasure in multiple orifices?
Spike: Ah, there’s one for Hallmark! Wonder if they have a card…
SockPuppet: Spike, I checked!
SockPuppet: It is on straight.
Spike: Cheers, luv. No problems then!
SockPuppet: YAY!
Call_Me_Madame: Angelus, since we obviously can’t have an actual conversation here, I’m off to bed.
ScourgeofEurope_264: Wait, what?
(Call_Me_Madame is offline)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Just kick them out! Isn’t there a way to lock the door or something?
Spike: Too late, old man. She’s scarpered!
SockPuppet: Good night, Daddy! I hope the porn fairies bring you pleasant dreams!
(Sockpuppet is offline)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Don’t tell me you’re leaving too, damn it!
Spike: Well, that’s my cue. I’ve got a date with a blonde mochachino drinker.
Spike: It’s brilliant how these birds are attracted to a bloke with a laptop.
(Spike is offline)
ScourgeofEurope_264: Damn it, William! You can’t leave me hanging here!
(Bangel_Foreva joins Family Time chat)
Bangel_Foreva: ScourgeOfEurope_264? What are you, some Angel wannabe?
ScourgeofEurope_264: Fuck, I can't get away from you freaks!
(ScourgeOfEurope_264 is offline)