A Road Covered With Blood
Jul. 24th, 2007 02:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevendeadlyfunPairing: Xander/Anya
Rating: NC-17 overall
A/N: Written for the Just Rewards/fangfetish/darker_spike Alternate Realities/Dimensions challenge. X-posted to darker_spike for challenge reasons, posted here for my memories....
A/N II: Some bits of dialogue taken from the S4 BtVS episode "Harsh Light of Day"
Xander stood there, lost in the sound of his heartbeat. It kept thumping in his ears, the solid thub-dub seductive and sensual. He wondered, as he got his bearings in yet another Xander-body, if this was what drew the vamps in; the sweetly musical swell and rush of a pulse just driving them insane.
Bonus points for no dick in his mouth, he thought wryly. Not that it had been bad, exactly. He licked his lips, imagining he could still taste the smoky smooth flavor of Spike’s skin there.
But, if you were going to suck cock, it was nice if it could be your own choice. Well, more your own choice since it had been the other Xander’s choice and he’d kept it up. And sure, he’d enjoyed it but no need ruin a fine point with something ridiculous, like logic.
He held something in his hand and he looked down, curious. It was a yellow hard-hat. His hard-hat, the one with his name on it that had crumbled and collapsed along with everything else in Sunnydale. He felt his eyes water, and he blinked.
Stupid, he berated himself, to get so emotional over a piece of hardened plastic. It was just a thing, a meaningless trinket from another life, another him. Maybe that was why it meant so much. Hard hats and the work that went with them were like a half-forgotten dream. So much of his life in Sunnydale had been about dreams, achieving them or releasing them.
“Xander?” And there was another lost little bit of Sunnydale, abandoned in the rubble of a ruined town and a ruined life.
“Anya,” he sighed, turning and pulling her into his arms. “God, I missed you!”
“Xander,” she wriggled in his arms and he’d forgotten how small she was. Anya, with her big mouth and big attitude had always seemed seven feet tall. But here, in his arms and not in Hell, he could feel the fragility that she masked with words.
“Ahn, just…it’s so good to see you again,” he told her, pressing a kiss to her hair.
“Good. Then we’re officially dating,” she replied happily. “I was worried this would be complicated. Magazines make it sound difficult to find and keep a man.”
“Officially d…” he trailed off and pulled back. “I think I need a little explanation, please.”
She looked at him and he’d forgotten that, too. It hurt, to realize how much of her had faded from his mind. He’d clung so tightly to her while they were together and then she was gone. Gone from his life and the pieces of her that were left hadn’t even stayed in brain long.
“We went to prom,” she said in a way that meant she was spelling out the self-evident. “But, the world almost ended and you couldn’t take me on any more dates. Now, we can be together.”
“Together,” he repeated. “Together, as in…”
“I have dreams about you, Xander. Sometimes, you’re naked,” she told him shyly.
This wasn’t what he remembered. Well, he remembered the Anya coming back and dropping into his life like a bomb. But, there hadn’t been any hard hats in his life then. He’d been living in the basement, figuring out that life sucked and wondering if there was more to life than just what he’d seen.
This wasn’t the basement. This was his apartment. His and Anya’s apartment that clearly was just his now and had never been hers. He wasn’t sure if that made him sad. No Anya, because you let her die and she’s in Hell and she’s standing in front of you and look, there goes her dress again.
“I like you. You’re funny and you’re nicely shaped,” she smiled again, happy and sure. “If we’re dating, we should have sexual intercourse.”
No matter how many times this happened to him, and oh wouldn’t it be nice if that were an exaggeration, he’d never get used to it. He’d fucked a lot of people since Sunnydale, male and female. Christ, he’d just gotten done sucking Spike off! And it didn’t matter because no one and nothing had ever touched him the way this woman did, with her simple request that they interlock parts.
“Ahn,” he said slowly, walking over to her, “I like you, too. A lot. And it would be the biggest lie if I said I didn’t want you. I do. But, this isn’t what I want from you.”
“It isn’t?” Her brow furrowed, and she tilted her head. “Am I not doing this right? Everything I’ve read said that men and women who feel desire for each other should copulate.”
“Ye-ah,” the word came out in a rush of air as he pulled her to him. “See, here’s the thing, Ahn…it should be more than that. More than nice shapes and interlocking parts.”
She stared at him, still faintly puzzled. He didn’t move, didn’t try to dress her or push her away. They stayed standing together, his arms around her waist, her head almost on his chest. She’d liked that, he remembered. She said his heartbeat was pleasant.
“You have kind eyes,” she finally told him. “You see me and it’s…”
He watched her struggle for words. He hadn’t known the first time how hard this was for her, hadn’t sympathized. So caught up in himself that he’d missed the pain and the uncertainty of this newly human girl.
Fuck, he was an idiot! Maybe this was what he was supposed to see. Not Anya per se, but this idea that it wasn’t enough to save the world. Apocalypses were good for glory, but real heroes were the ones who actually rescued people. Damn it, now he owed Angel an apology for all the times he’d made fun of that “help the helpless” crap.
“Ahn,” he finally said, looking down at her. “I will always look at you with kind eyes. I will never not see you. If this happens, if we get together, it shouldn’t be like this.”
“Xander?”
“Yeah, Ahn?”
“I’m scared,” and that confession, in her small voice, made him almost choke.
“Me too,” he said and he kissed her, his lips grazing hers.
Rating: NC-17 overall
A/N: Written for the Just Rewards/
fangfetish/darker_spike Alternate Realities/Dimensions challenge. X-posted to darker_spike for challenge reasons, posted here for my memories....A/N II: Some bits of dialogue taken from the S4 BtVS episode "Harsh Light of Day"
Xander stood there, lost in the sound of his heartbeat. It kept thumping in his ears, the solid thub-dub seductive and sensual. He wondered, as he got his bearings in yet another Xander-body, if this was what drew the vamps in; the sweetly musical swell and rush of a pulse just driving them insane.
Bonus points for no dick in his mouth, he thought wryly. Not that it had been bad, exactly. He licked his lips, imagining he could still taste the smoky smooth flavor of Spike’s skin there.
But, if you were going to suck cock, it was nice if it could be your own choice. Well, more your own choice since it had been the other Xander’s choice and he’d kept it up. And sure, he’d enjoyed it but no need ruin a fine point with something ridiculous, like logic.
He held something in his hand and he looked down, curious. It was a yellow hard-hat. His hard-hat, the one with his name on it that had crumbled and collapsed along with everything else in Sunnydale. He felt his eyes water, and he blinked.
Stupid, he berated himself, to get so emotional over a piece of hardened plastic. It was just a thing, a meaningless trinket from another life, another him. Maybe that was why it meant so much. Hard hats and the work that went with them were like a half-forgotten dream. So much of his life in Sunnydale had been about dreams, achieving them or releasing them.
“Xander?” And there was another lost little bit of Sunnydale, abandoned in the rubble of a ruined town and a ruined life.
“Anya,” he sighed, turning and pulling her into his arms. “God, I missed you!”
“Xander,” she wriggled in his arms and he’d forgotten how small she was. Anya, with her big mouth and big attitude had always seemed seven feet tall. But here, in his arms and not in Hell, he could feel the fragility that she masked with words.
“Ahn, just…it’s so good to see you again,” he told her, pressing a kiss to her hair.
“Good. Then we’re officially dating,” she replied happily. “I was worried this would be complicated. Magazines make it sound difficult to find and keep a man.”
“Officially d…” he trailed off and pulled back. “I think I need a little explanation, please.”
She looked at him and he’d forgotten that, too. It hurt, to realize how much of her had faded from his mind. He’d clung so tightly to her while they were together and then she was gone. Gone from his life and the pieces of her that were left hadn’t even stayed in brain long.
“We went to prom,” she said in a way that meant she was spelling out the self-evident. “But, the world almost ended and you couldn’t take me on any more dates. Now, we can be together.”
“Together,” he repeated. “Together, as in…”
“I have dreams about you, Xander. Sometimes, you’re naked,” she told him shyly.
This wasn’t what he remembered. Well, he remembered the Anya coming back and dropping into his life like a bomb. But, there hadn’t been any hard hats in his life then. He’d been living in the basement, figuring out that life sucked and wondering if there was more to life than just what he’d seen.
This wasn’t the basement. This was his apartment. His and Anya’s apartment that clearly was just his now and had never been hers. He wasn’t sure if that made him sad. No Anya, because you let her die and she’s in Hell and she’s standing in front of you and look, there goes her dress again.
“I like you. You’re funny and you’re nicely shaped,” she smiled again, happy and sure. “If we’re dating, we should have sexual intercourse.”
No matter how many times this happened to him, and oh wouldn’t it be nice if that were an exaggeration, he’d never get used to it. He’d fucked a lot of people since Sunnydale, male and female. Christ, he’d just gotten done sucking Spike off! And it didn’t matter because no one and nothing had ever touched him the way this woman did, with her simple request that they interlock parts.
“Ahn,” he said slowly, walking over to her, “I like you, too. A lot. And it would be the biggest lie if I said I didn’t want you. I do. But, this isn’t what I want from you.”
“It isn’t?” Her brow furrowed, and she tilted her head. “Am I not doing this right? Everything I’ve read said that men and women who feel desire for each other should copulate.”
“Ye-ah,” the word came out in a rush of air as he pulled her to him. “See, here’s the thing, Ahn…it should be more than that. More than nice shapes and interlocking parts.”
She stared at him, still faintly puzzled. He didn’t move, didn’t try to dress her or push her away. They stayed standing together, his arms around her waist, her head almost on his chest. She’d liked that, he remembered. She said his heartbeat was pleasant.
“You have kind eyes,” she finally told him. “You see me and it’s…”
He watched her struggle for words. He hadn’t known the first time how hard this was for her, hadn’t sympathized. So caught up in himself that he’d missed the pain and the uncertainty of this newly human girl.
Fuck, he was an idiot! Maybe this was what he was supposed to see. Not Anya per se, but this idea that it wasn’t enough to save the world. Apocalypses were good for glory, but real heroes were the ones who actually rescued people. Damn it, now he owed Angel an apology for all the times he’d made fun of that “help the helpless” crap.
“Ahn,” he finally said, looking down at her. “I will always look at you with kind eyes. I will never not see you. If this happens, if we get together, it shouldn’t be like this.”
“Xander?”
“Yeah, Ahn?”
“I’m scared,” and that confession, in her small voice, made him almost choke.
“Me too,” he said and he kissed her, his lips grazing hers.