The New Baby: Part 1 of 2
Jul. 20th, 2007 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sevendeadlyfunPairing: Xander/Anya/Spike
Rating: Hella NC-17
Warnings: Group sex, m/m sex, het sex, and roleplayed incest
A/N: This fic was inspired bykidcyclone who states defnitively that "Spike needs a Mommy AND a Daddy". Never let it be said I don't take instruction from my girl!
A/N 2: This is pure cracked out PWP. Therefore, any criticisms of plot will be met with hysterical laughter. Takes place in some mythical AU Season 7 where Joyce is alive, Buffy and Spike never got together, Anya and Xander never didn't get married and are still together with all body parts intact and there is no First Evil. See what I meant about that plot thing?
It was the sniffling that stirred her from sleep. It was such a soft, lonely sound that she couldn’t help but want it to stop. After all, a good night’s sleep was the foundation of a healthy person and healthy people made much more money than wretchedly ill people. The fact that it made her heart do a twinge-y, floppy, empty thing was really besides the point.
Anya slid up the bed, eyes only partly open. She knew it wasn’t Xander making those snuffly sad sounds. The snoring gave him an alibi. Well, unless the human body was much more adaptable than she’d previously assumed and she didn’t think it was. She’d pushed that particular human body as far it could go for a few years now. She was damn familiar with every single thing Xander Harris was capable.
With a sigh, she leaned over the edge of the bed. She wasn’t crying and Xander wasn’t crying. That left one last set of tear ducts in the house unaccounted for, and yep there he was. Definitely crying.
“Spike,” she whispered, and he raised his head.
The soul must be getting to him, she thought tiredly. He almost never showed them the sheer terror and pain she knew a returned soul caused, but something must have happened tonight. He sat beside their bed, arms wrapped around himself, rocking.
Anya didn’t bother to ask a bunch of stupid pointless questions. Xander’s friends were fond of pointless questions. A lot of why’s and how come’s and theoretically’s that meant wasted time in the face of a simple problem. She merely lifted the edge of the blankets and scooted over to make space for the blonde.
He crawled in and immediately burrowed deeply into the hollow of her neck, his face damp with tears. She raised a hand, instinctively rubbing his back in a slow circular fashion. She wasn’t quite sure how she knew to do these things and finally she concluded it must be those “motherly instincts” Joyce told her about. They had had a long talk about creating new life and Anya told the older woman that she, Anya, wasn’t sure she should be spawning because she’d never had a baby and couldn’t possibly know how to handle a pre-verbal being.
Joyce had laughed at her, light peals echoing through a sunlit kitchen. She proceeded to tell Anya that all women, all human women at any rate, had motherly instincts. After reproducing, apparently women simply knew how to take care of their children. It sounded suspiciously easy, like a Nigerian email lottery scam. But, after careful researching, Anya had confirmed that these instincts were present in more primitive versions of humans. Therefore, it must be possible for human woman to have those instincts as well.
She hadn’t had a chance to test this idea. Xander had panicked at the notion of her simply researching motherhood, so she’d concluded that the making of new life was a risky thing and placed it at the back of her mind. But here was Spike, curled in her arms and acting very much like a…well, baby was probably too strong a word. But, needy and dependent and in need of physical comfort due to the inability to explain the source of his discomfort…Maybe baby wasn’t the wrong word after all. As she drifted back to sleep, Anya resolved to ask Xander in the morning. Words were occasionally incredibly confusing things.
Xander was a slow waker. He routinely set his alarm half an hour earlier than necessary so he could get rid of the stumbling confused part of the morning before he had to rush out the door. So, he wasn’t really at his best when he went to stretch and found out that stretching was impossible. One eye opened to a stunning up close view of the wall.
He tried to sit up and couldn’t do that either. Huh. The bed had shrunk. Overnight, the bed had been reduced in size. Something Hellmouth-y was afoot. Or possibly abed…
Only with determined squirming and shifting did he abandon his position as wall watcher. That gained him a mouthful of Anya’s hair. He nudged her, trying to wake her up and get her hair out his mouth.
She stirred slightly, but didn’t wake. He nudged again and heard a sleepy voice say, “Stop moving. ‘M tryin’ to sleep!”
Huh again. The bed had shrunk and Anya’s voice had become much deeper and more manly. Definitely something evil going on in his bed.
“Anya,” Xander mumbled, mouth trying to work around strands of hair. “Ahn, honey, something’s wrong. The bed’s shrunk.”
Finally, she seemed to wake up. But, she didn’t turn towards him. She simply began to make a shushing sound, accompanying the noise with a soft thump thump. The two noises were joined by a third noise, snuffly and wet.
Xander couldn’t take it anymore. His bed had been attacked, his girlfriend sounded butcher than Vin Diesel, and now there were strange noises. Xander abandoned sitting up in favor of standing.
Much better, he thought in satisfaction. Standing gave a great view of the bed. It looked exactly the same size as the night before. Anya still appeared to have female parts. Spike was still….
“Spike? Spike is in my bed. Anya is cuddling Spike in my bed,” Xander croaked.
“Xander,” came Anya’s sleepy voice. “You’re jostling the bed and making far too much noise. Please stop. Some of us aren’t ready to wake up yet.”
“Ahn, honey, why is Spike in bed with us?” Xander couldn’t help the pleading note in his voice. It was early, there was no coffee in his system and a vampire in his bed.
“He was sad,” she explained, rolling over to stare up at him. Spike followed her, curling his body around hers.
Xander stared at them. Spike was sad. Well, that makes perfect sense. In a completely insane making no sense way.
“Sweetie, Spike is in bed. With us,” Xander said rationally, hoping that repetition would make these facts sink into Anya’s brain.
“I know, Xander. He was sad. He needed help,” Anya told him, giving him her patented “You’re behaving in an incomprehensible fashion and I must deal with this as best I can even though I cannot possibly understand your bizarre human ideas” look. That look really was incredibly sexy.
“Sad. Spike. Bed,” Xander babbled, dropping to sit cross-legged on the bed.
Anya pulled herself up, arms still wrapped around Spike. She leaned back against the headboard and sighed. Spike only whimpered a bit before he fastened his mouth against her neck again.
“He got his soul back, Xander,” Anya said patiently. “I know you think that sounds simple, but it isn’t. Think of…oh damn.”
“What? Damn what? This requires cursing? Of the vocal kind and not the vengeance kind, right?” Xander couldn’t stop the flow of words. Spike was sucking his girlfriend’s neck and she was being all calm about it. She was petting Spike. Definitely something Hellmouth-y abed.
“This is hard to explain,” Anya replied. “Souls are like…fill dirt. Only not dirt, but light and life and all those things that make you feel human. But, they fill you up. When you lose one, it leaves a big hole. A hole that you fill with other things, like vengeance or blood or fame.”
“Fame? There’s fame involved?” Xander was desperate now. Surely, somewhere in all these words was something that explained Spike. In his bed. Sucking his girlfriend’s neck.
“Fame is the number two cause of soul loss, right after deals with demons,” Anya explained. “How do you think Kevin Bacon is both immensely popular and able to appear in approximately twenty movies a year? Now there’s a man who knows his demon contracts.”
“Kevin Bacon is evil?”
“Evil, I don’t know. Soulless, yes,” Anya answered. “So, you fill up the hole. But, when you get soul back it has to fit exactly where it was before. Since you’ve already filled that hole, it can be painful.”
“Painful,” Xander replied thoughtfully. “So, Spike is in pain because his soul hole was filled with demon-y things and now his soul is…what? Pushing around in there trying to get its spot back?”
“Well, it’s more mystical than that, but essentially yes,” Anya told him. “He needs help. Like I did. I think he needs a mother, Xander.”
“Wait a minute,” Xander spluttered. “You want to be Spike’s Mommy?”
“I think so,” Anya said. “He needs help from someone who has experience in the things he’s going through. Someone older and wiser who can guide him and teach him. Isn’t that a parent?”
When she put it that way, Xander was forced to conclude that she had it pretty much in spades. But, if Anya was Spike’s mother…
“Does that mean I have to be Spike’s Daddy,” Xander asked. “I mean, not that I’m not all about the supporting of formerly evil beings coming back to the light side, but…Daddy?”
“No,” Anya answered, yawning. “I can be a single mother. Many women manage to raise their offspring and shepard them through the travails of life without a male role model.”
“Uhm, don’t you have to be single to be a single mother?”
“Not necessarily,” Anya smiled. “Dr. Phil had a whole episode on functionally single parents who were not single, but merely partnered with someone who didn’t help them in any way.”
Ouch. Xander could feel that arrow hit its mark exactly. Anya was going to be Spike’s Mommy and if he didn’t help, he was just like those worthless Dr. Phil people.
“What do I have to do,” Xander sighed in defeat. “What does being Spike’s Daddy entail, exactly?”
Just as Anya opened her mouth, Spike raised his tousled head and remarked, “Could do with a bath and a nice shag.”
Anya nodded enthusiastically in agreement as Xander stared goggle-eyed at them both.
“You know,” Xander began, voice quivering. “Last I checked, Mommies and Daddies didn’t have sex with their kids.”
“But Xander,” Anya protested. “Spike isn’t our genetic offspring nor is he a biological child. Those are the two reasons that sex with one’s spawn is prohibited. Besides, he needs guidance in human lovemaking. Who better than his adopted parents to teach him about gentleness and intimacy in human sexuality?”
Xander opened his mouth to object. Then he closed it. His cock had rapidly inflated as his mind ran pornographic movies of Spike, underneath him and moaning. Filling that sweet ass with cock as Spike suckled at Anya’s breast sounded like a winning plan to Xander.
“Right,” Xander nodded. “Guess Daddy should give his boy a bath than!”
He hopped off the bed. Leaning over, he picked up the smaller man and cradled him just as he would a real child. Anya called out, “Be sure to clean him thoroughly. Poor hygiene can lead to assumptions of poor parenting skills.”
“Gotcha, honey,” Xander answered. “One thorough washing coming up.”
And if that thorough washing resulted in a moaning, debauched Spike? Hey, he had it on good authority that his job as the newly adopted parent of a souled vampire included instructing him in human sexuality. Time to get his baby boy clean and dirty…
Rating: Hella NC-17
Warnings: Group sex, m/m sex, het sex, and roleplayed incest
A/N: This fic was inspired by
kidcyclone who states defnitively that "Spike needs a Mommy AND a Daddy". Never let it be said I don't take instruction from my girl!A/N 2: This is pure cracked out PWP. Therefore, any criticisms of plot will be met with hysterical laughter. Takes place in some mythical AU Season 7 where Joyce is alive, Buffy and Spike never got together, Anya and Xander never didn't get married and are still together with all body parts intact and there is no First Evil. See what I meant about that plot thing?
It was the sniffling that stirred her from sleep. It was such a soft, lonely sound that she couldn’t help but want it to stop. After all, a good night’s sleep was the foundation of a healthy person and healthy people made much more money than wretchedly ill people. The fact that it made her heart do a twinge-y, floppy, empty thing was really besides the point.
Anya slid up the bed, eyes only partly open. She knew it wasn’t Xander making those snuffly sad sounds. The snoring gave him an alibi. Well, unless the human body was much more adaptable than she’d previously assumed and she didn’t think it was. She’d pushed that particular human body as far it could go for a few years now. She was damn familiar with every single thing Xander Harris was capable.
With a sigh, she leaned over the edge of the bed. She wasn’t crying and Xander wasn’t crying. That left one last set of tear ducts in the house unaccounted for, and yep there he was. Definitely crying.
“Spike,” she whispered, and he raised his head.
The soul must be getting to him, she thought tiredly. He almost never showed them the sheer terror and pain she knew a returned soul caused, but something must have happened tonight. He sat beside their bed, arms wrapped around himself, rocking.
Anya didn’t bother to ask a bunch of stupid pointless questions. Xander’s friends were fond of pointless questions. A lot of why’s and how come’s and theoretically’s that meant wasted time in the face of a simple problem. She merely lifted the edge of the blankets and scooted over to make space for the blonde.
He crawled in and immediately burrowed deeply into the hollow of her neck, his face damp with tears. She raised a hand, instinctively rubbing his back in a slow circular fashion. She wasn’t quite sure how she knew to do these things and finally she concluded it must be those “motherly instincts” Joyce told her about. They had had a long talk about creating new life and Anya told the older woman that she, Anya, wasn’t sure she should be spawning because she’d never had a baby and couldn’t possibly know how to handle a pre-verbal being.
Joyce had laughed at her, light peals echoing through a sunlit kitchen. She proceeded to tell Anya that all women, all human women at any rate, had motherly instincts. After reproducing, apparently women simply knew how to take care of their children. It sounded suspiciously easy, like a Nigerian email lottery scam. But, after careful researching, Anya had confirmed that these instincts were present in more primitive versions of humans. Therefore, it must be possible for human woman to have those instincts as well.
She hadn’t had a chance to test this idea. Xander had panicked at the notion of her simply researching motherhood, so she’d concluded that the making of new life was a risky thing and placed it at the back of her mind. But here was Spike, curled in her arms and acting very much like a…well, baby was probably too strong a word. But, needy and dependent and in need of physical comfort due to the inability to explain the source of his discomfort…Maybe baby wasn’t the wrong word after all. As she drifted back to sleep, Anya resolved to ask Xander in the morning. Words were occasionally incredibly confusing things.
Xander was a slow waker. He routinely set his alarm half an hour earlier than necessary so he could get rid of the stumbling confused part of the morning before he had to rush out the door. So, he wasn’t really at his best when he went to stretch and found out that stretching was impossible. One eye opened to a stunning up close view of the wall.
He tried to sit up and couldn’t do that either. Huh. The bed had shrunk. Overnight, the bed had been reduced in size. Something Hellmouth-y was afoot. Or possibly abed…
Only with determined squirming and shifting did he abandon his position as wall watcher. That gained him a mouthful of Anya’s hair. He nudged her, trying to wake her up and get her hair out his mouth.
She stirred slightly, but didn’t wake. He nudged again and heard a sleepy voice say, “Stop moving. ‘M tryin’ to sleep!”
Huh again. The bed had shrunk and Anya’s voice had become much deeper and more manly. Definitely something evil going on in his bed.
“Anya,” Xander mumbled, mouth trying to work around strands of hair. “Ahn, honey, something’s wrong. The bed’s shrunk.”
Finally, she seemed to wake up. But, she didn’t turn towards him. She simply began to make a shushing sound, accompanying the noise with a soft thump thump. The two noises were joined by a third noise, snuffly and wet.
Xander couldn’t take it anymore. His bed had been attacked, his girlfriend sounded butcher than Vin Diesel, and now there were strange noises. Xander abandoned sitting up in favor of standing.
Much better, he thought in satisfaction. Standing gave a great view of the bed. It looked exactly the same size as the night before. Anya still appeared to have female parts. Spike was still….
“Spike? Spike is in my bed. Anya is cuddling Spike in my bed,” Xander croaked.
“Xander,” came Anya’s sleepy voice. “You’re jostling the bed and making far too much noise. Please stop. Some of us aren’t ready to wake up yet.”
“Ahn, honey, why is Spike in bed with us?” Xander couldn’t help the pleading note in his voice. It was early, there was no coffee in his system and a vampire in his bed.
“He was sad,” she explained, rolling over to stare up at him. Spike followed her, curling his body around hers.
Xander stared at them. Spike was sad. Well, that makes perfect sense. In a completely insane making no sense way.
“Sweetie, Spike is in bed. With us,” Xander said rationally, hoping that repetition would make these facts sink into Anya’s brain.
“I know, Xander. He was sad. He needed help,” Anya told him, giving him her patented “You’re behaving in an incomprehensible fashion and I must deal with this as best I can even though I cannot possibly understand your bizarre human ideas” look. That look really was incredibly sexy.
“Sad. Spike. Bed,” Xander babbled, dropping to sit cross-legged on the bed.
Anya pulled herself up, arms still wrapped around Spike. She leaned back against the headboard and sighed. Spike only whimpered a bit before he fastened his mouth against her neck again.
“He got his soul back, Xander,” Anya said patiently. “I know you think that sounds simple, but it isn’t. Think of…oh damn.”
“What? Damn what? This requires cursing? Of the vocal kind and not the vengeance kind, right?” Xander couldn’t stop the flow of words. Spike was sucking his girlfriend’s neck and she was being all calm about it. She was petting Spike. Definitely something Hellmouth-y abed.
“This is hard to explain,” Anya replied. “Souls are like…fill dirt. Only not dirt, but light and life and all those things that make you feel human. But, they fill you up. When you lose one, it leaves a big hole. A hole that you fill with other things, like vengeance or blood or fame.”
“Fame? There’s fame involved?” Xander was desperate now. Surely, somewhere in all these words was something that explained Spike. In his bed. Sucking his girlfriend’s neck.
“Fame is the number two cause of soul loss, right after deals with demons,” Anya explained. “How do you think Kevin Bacon is both immensely popular and able to appear in approximately twenty movies a year? Now there’s a man who knows his demon contracts.”
“Kevin Bacon is evil?”
“Evil, I don’t know. Soulless, yes,” Anya answered. “So, you fill up the hole. But, when you get soul back it has to fit exactly where it was before. Since you’ve already filled that hole, it can be painful.”
“Painful,” Xander replied thoughtfully. “So, Spike is in pain because his soul hole was filled with demon-y things and now his soul is…what? Pushing around in there trying to get its spot back?”
“Well, it’s more mystical than that, but essentially yes,” Anya told him. “He needs help. Like I did. I think he needs a mother, Xander.”
“Wait a minute,” Xander spluttered. “You want to be Spike’s Mommy?”
“I think so,” Anya said. “He needs help from someone who has experience in the things he’s going through. Someone older and wiser who can guide him and teach him. Isn’t that a parent?”
When she put it that way, Xander was forced to conclude that she had it pretty much in spades. But, if Anya was Spike’s mother…
“Does that mean I have to be Spike’s Daddy,” Xander asked. “I mean, not that I’m not all about the supporting of formerly evil beings coming back to the light side, but…Daddy?”
“No,” Anya answered, yawning. “I can be a single mother. Many women manage to raise their offspring and shepard them through the travails of life without a male role model.”
“Uhm, don’t you have to be single to be a single mother?”
“Not necessarily,” Anya smiled. “Dr. Phil had a whole episode on functionally single parents who were not single, but merely partnered with someone who didn’t help them in any way.”
Ouch. Xander could feel that arrow hit its mark exactly. Anya was going to be Spike’s Mommy and if he didn’t help, he was just like those worthless Dr. Phil people.
“What do I have to do,” Xander sighed in defeat. “What does being Spike’s Daddy entail, exactly?”
Just as Anya opened her mouth, Spike raised his tousled head and remarked, “Could do with a bath and a nice shag.”
Anya nodded enthusiastically in agreement as Xander stared goggle-eyed at them both.
“You know,” Xander began, voice quivering. “Last I checked, Mommies and Daddies didn’t have sex with their kids.”
“But Xander,” Anya protested. “Spike isn’t our genetic offspring nor is he a biological child. Those are the two reasons that sex with one’s spawn is prohibited. Besides, he needs guidance in human lovemaking. Who better than his adopted parents to teach him about gentleness and intimacy in human sexuality?”
Xander opened his mouth to object. Then he closed it. His cock had rapidly inflated as his mind ran pornographic movies of Spike, underneath him and moaning. Filling that sweet ass with cock as Spike suckled at Anya’s breast sounded like a winning plan to Xander.
“Right,” Xander nodded. “Guess Daddy should give his boy a bath than!”
He hopped off the bed. Leaning over, he picked up the smaller man and cradled him just as he would a real child. Anya called out, “Be sure to clean him thoroughly. Poor hygiene can lead to assumptions of poor parenting skills.”
“Gotcha, honey,” Xander answered. “One thorough washing coming up.”
And if that thorough washing resulted in a moaning, debauched Spike? Hey, he had it on good authority that his job as the newly adopted parent of a souled vampire included instructing him in human sexuality. Time to get his baby boy clean and dirty…