Oh god this was beautiful, and I love your take on Angel. It fits so well with my own view of him- that he denies himself so many simple pleasures, like food, laughing, fun etc as a penance- hell, he was a Catholic, so he knows all about that sort of thing. ;>

So many people seem to act as though Angel is disgusted by all his past memories but I see it more like this... that yes, he's ashamed because he still gets off on them, still craves doing the things he did- hell, he is a vampire for crying out loud, soul or no soul. I so agree with your choices of what his jerk-off fantasies would have been. And your descriptions are incredible, so vivid and hot!