ext_15440 ([identity profile] hello-spikey.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] sevendeadlyfun 2009-01-10 06:44 pm (UTC)

me, broken record... but I seriously wanted to just skim past the first two paragraphs. I think you should cut all up to Dawn saying "Bloody Hell".

Chuckled so hard it hurt, though, when I learned the book was "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". And then! When Spike called it a "how to brood manual"!!

LOL! Comedy gold.

When Xander runs out, he comes back too fast.

Dawn's "MAKE ME UNDERSTAND!”" is a little too summarizing. That whole exchange felt a little off.

I think it's right, that it should lead to popcorn on the couch and not brooding about it, but I'm not sure the scene works on taking them there.

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