Mighty Midget OR Size Matters

[sevendeadlyfun]

Pairing: Spike/Angelus

Rating: NC-17

A/N: Presenting yet another crack!fic by the fantabulous kidcyclone and me. This one is entirely my fault, Kid just played along. I can't help it...these ideas just attack me like rabid weasels and won't go away. But, if you like it, stop by Kid's journal and tell her so!

The last rays of the setting sun raked the sky with crimson streaks, like bloody weals across a throat.  Port au Prince, a city of extremes, still bustled with activity, the street-sellers hawking cloth, coconut, mangos, chickens, and various herbal medicines and powders in the dusty streets, in the shadow of the gleaming governor's palace. In the fading daylight, the palace showed a vibrant red reflecting the dying rays of sunlight. In the presidential suite of the city's best hotel, Angelus stretched and scratched himself lazily in the expanse of the massive bed.

Spike buried his head under the pillow, letting Dru's sleepy chatter wash over his head. He loved his dark princess, but she could drive a bloke mad with all her early evening talk. As she giggled, whispering secrets into Miss Edith's ear, he luxuriated in the warmth of the large bed.

Angelus leaned over and kissed Darla first, slowly and luxuriously, then Dru, giving the girl a nip and pinch that set her squealing. He chuckled darkly, saying, "You lasses are going to that thing at the embassy t'night, aye? Like we discussed? You'd better start getting ready if you want to be sure and catch the governor's eye."

Dru twined her fingers in the air, a guilty smile creeping over her face. She clutched her battered doll close to her breast, making a shushing noise.

"Quiet now, Miss Edith," she scolded the toy. "If you tell on darling William, there shan't be any laces and frills tonight."

The words penetrated Spike's sleep-fogged mind and he bolted upright. A wicked smirk spread across his face, and he leaned over to give Drusilla a lusty kiss.

"You and those bloody stars," he teased her. "I don't know how you found out, but ta ever so, Dru."

Angelus raised a brow, and grasped the boy by the ear. "William..." he said in a warning voice.

Darla said crisply from where she was brushing out her hair, "Drusilla, remember, you promised if you were allowed to come to this ball, you'd be on your best behaviour..."

"And so we shall be," Drusilla replied solemnly. "We'll be as good as fairy floss, and silent as churches, won't we, Miss Edith? We'd never play pranks or offer wicked prayers, Grandmummy."

Angelus gave the boy a little shake, saying, "Give the girl some peace, Darla, she's done nothing wrong... William... you'd better come clean now, and make it easier on yerself. What deviltry have you done, lad?"

"Don't know what you're talking about, Angelus," Spike protested. " 'M as innocent as newborn lamb."

Dru giggled disarmingly, calling out to Spike. "Come here, my little lambkin. The big bad wolf wants to gobble you up. But he hasn't any teeth now. Baa lambs shouldn't eat the wolf, you know."

Spike sighed, bright blue eyes gazing fondly at the lush beauty sprawled next to him.

"Dru luv, I'm not a lambkin. Just an innocent little boy is all."

Angelus widened his eyes, shooting a slightly alarmed look at Dru. "What! What d'you mean, hasn't got any teeth- Darla- are you hearing this?"

Grabbing the boy by the scruff of the neck, Angelus pulled him from the sheets, and sprang from the bed to stride across the room and snap up his belt from the back of the chair.

"You're a little boy who's about to have a red striped arse, is what you are," Angelus growled, "unless I get some answers."

"Bad dog," Drusilla cooed, voice pitched to be heard over Spike's yells and protestations. "Bad doggie wants his bone, but the cupboard is bare!"

Spike struggled, legs flailing as he tried to escape his Sire's strong grasp. Bugger! Drusilla and her bloody dolls had spoiled his plan. If she hadn't seen it, he'd have been far away before Angelus figured it out.

"Leggo," Spike shouted. "Not done anything, you great lump! Just woke up, didn't I?"

Angelus doubled the belt single handedly, holding the boy by the nape of the neck with the other. He propped his muscular leg on the chair and unceremoniously threw Spike over it, then brought the first stroke of the belt down hard on the boy's naked backside with a satisfying crack.

"Aye, well Drusilla seems to think you've been up t' some mischief," Angelus said, twisting his fingers in Spike's sleep-rumpled curls. The boy had such lovely curls, when he hadn't had a chance to slick them down with some sticky unguent. He brought the belt down again.

"Drusilla bloody well talks to plants," Spike yelped, twisting in a pointless attempt to avoid the strikes. "Not exactly th' picture of reliability is she! OW!"

Darla said sweetly, "Angelus, are you planning to thrash William all evening, or shall we wait to have supper with you after we return? Drusilla, come along, stop teasing Daddy, I've got to get you bathed and do something with your hair..."

Angelus brought the supple leather strap down on William's arse another half dozen times in succession. "It very well might be all night, if William doesn't own up, love."

Drusilla rose languidly from the bed, reaching out to take Darla's outstretched hand. As she walked towards the bathroom, she asked Darla, "Will Daddy wear your dresses now?"

Spike instantly went still, knowing that very shortly, the jig would be up. As soon as Darla realized what Dru had said, she'd be curious. Dru, sweet childe that she was, would tell. Than, Spike knew, he'd be lucky if he could walk for the next fortnight.

Angelus choked upon hearing Dru's question, and shouted after her, "I will not be wearing any dresses, now or ever! Mind me, girl, or Miss Edith'll be spending the day outside tomorrow!"

He yanked the boy up from his thigh, eyes amber, and growled low, looking searchingly into William's face, "What nonsense have y' been filling her head with."

"None, Sire," Spike whimpered. "Don't know where she got it from."

That, Spike assured himself, was perfectly true. He had not a clue as to where Drusilla came by her information. The stars, Miss Edith, the host of dead birds, spiders, and flowers that she brought home, it didn't matter.

Angelus muttered to himself, searching the boy's face, then finally decided he must have been telling the truth. His dark scowl softened, and he chuckled, pulling the boy close and kissing his smooth forehead.

"Ah, sure, tis probably just some of Drusilla's fancy. Well, no doubt you've got away with some mischief I should have thrashed y' for, so consider that payment for it."

Spike forced himself to scowl convincingly. Best not to seem to compliant, he thought, or Angelus would really suspect him.
)
"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "Like you've ever needed a reason to wallop me?"

Angelus chuckled and tweaked the boy's cheek. "Have I ever told you yer adorable when you pout? Ah now, don't sulk, boyo. Daddy will make yer poor wee bottom better."

Easily hoisting Spike's sleight weight into the crook of his arm, Angelus carried the boy to the vanity and picked up a jar of Darla's face cream. He carried the boy back to the bed, sitting down and putting Spike over his lap.

"Hungry," Spike complained.

"Ah, poor wee lad. Waked up with a strapping y' didn't deserve and now yer wee belly's gnawing at you, is it?" Angelus said jovially, as he scooped a double fingerful of the soft, sweetly scented emolliant from the jar, and spread it liberally over Spike's striped, firm bottom. "Daddy'll feed you soon as you're better. First some blood, and then some of yer special vitamins, to help you grow up big and strong, eh?" he chuckled darkly, admiring the slick cream as it glistened, working it into the boy's warm skin.

"Big and strong, indeed," Spike murmured, relaxing under his Sire's tender touch. "As big as you, Daddy?"

Angelus smirked, smoothing the soft cream into his boy's muscular little bottom, kneading and stroking the warm flesh under his palm. "Ah, I don't think you'll ever be that big, boyo... but little boys always hope t' be as big as their daddies, don't they?"

"Mummy," Drusilla called out, as she stepped from the bathroom. "Mummy, Grandmummy won't let me wear my favorite ribbons. Tell her I may!"

Spike groaned. So much for a happy Sire. Now the fat really was in fire. Blast Dru!

Angelus looked up with a nonplussed expression. "Who the fuck are you talking to, Dru?"

"You, Mummy," Drusilla said with an equally confused expression. "You can't be my Daddy anymore, so you must be my Mummy."

"Dru, be a dear and bugger off," Spike said sweetly. "Daddy and I are having a bit of a lie-in."

Angelus kept one hand firmly on the nape of Spike's neck, holding him in place. He crooked the finger on his other hand, beckoning Dru closer.

Drusilla clapped her hands and danced her way towards Angelus. Angelus-Mummy sounded odd to her, but she didn't bother to question it. The stars didn't like it when she pestered them with silly questions like how a Daddy could become a Mummy.

"Yes, Mummy," she said politely. Grandmummy had drilled her in her manners, and would be ever so cross if she forgot them.

Angelus waited til the girl was within reach, then swiftly grasped her slender wrist and held her tightly. "And just why can't I be your Daddy anymore, Drusilla, pet?"

"Because," Drusilla said nervously, "You haven't any cock, Mummy. Daddies have big thick cocks, but you don't."

Angelus had heard his delightful, demented princess utter some utter bollocks over the years, but this statement made even him choke. He stammered, eyes wide, "What!"

Regaining his composure, Angelus grinned and said, "Now, Dru, don't tease Daddy, of course I've a big, thick cock. You've seen and tasted and had it up yer sweet wee holes enough..."

Pulling Will up on his muscular thigh into a sitting position, Angelus thrust a big hand down to cup his heavy balls and proud manhood.

Angelus smiled, tenderly, paternally. "Now what d'you call that if not-" he paused, his face falling slightly. Something was amiss.

Looking down with a mounting irrational anxiety, he saw that between his muscular thighs, lay not the thick piece of finest Irish man-beef seen by man or woman, but ...something... lesser.

Spike stuck his tongue out at Drusilla, leaping out of Angelus' now loose hold. He wanted to be out of arm's reach before Angelus heard any more.

"Sire's Pet," he griped at Dru, his words devoid of heat.

"Wicked William," she hissed, flouncing out of the room. "Wait till Daddy finds out how to fix it. Then, you'll be a sorry lambkin indeed!"

Spike turned to see the crestfallen look on Angelus' face. He sighed, sorry that he'd let it got his far. "Twas supposed to be joke," he whispered. " 'M sorry, Sire."


Angelus swallowed hard, looking rather numbly down at the sad bit of flesh barely visible in the thickness of his dark pubic hair. He flicked his gaze up to the boy, blinking as he slowly registered what William was saying.

"A... joke."

Angelus flicked his less-than-impressive cocklet with his fingers.

"Y' thought you'd pull one over on yer Sire, eh? Switch out his cock for... a bit a' vienna sausage...?"

Spike nodded dumbly. He felt tears prick his eyes. It was supposed to be funny, to finally put one over on Angelus. It would be his turn to be the Daddy, to feel cool soft lips on his cock. Instead, he could barely hold back his anguish.

Angelus smiled disarmingly, chuckling. His brown eyes crinkled with warmth as he grinned, and slapped his knee. He reached out and clapped the boy on the arm smartly.

"Yer a regular wee Puck, aren't yeh? Guess I'd better keep an eye on you, or you'll be disappearing me arse next!"

Spike looked up, shock written plainly all over his face. Angelus was...laughing? Bloody Hell, the apocalypse had come and no one had bothered to invite them! Wouldn't that just burn Darla? No front row for the end of the world...

"You're not...angry?" Spike asked quietly.

Angelus shot a long arm out and grasped the boy by the throat. Through clenched teeth, he hissed, "How d'you fix it."

Spike croaked, unable to speak. Now this was more like it. Death and dismemberment he could handle.

"...eed...air," he rasped, eyes throwing daggers at Angelus.

Angelus smiled wolfishly, fangs just visible. "Aye, and I need my cock back. My proper cock. Now, what did you do to it- never mind what you did to it- how do you put it back properly, before I decide t' do it my way... which just happens to involve takin you apart limb from limb..."

"blow...me.." Spike forced out, bringing his hands up to push at the one clasped around his throat.

Angelus blinked again, dumbfounded. "Oh, you picked the wrong time to get smart with me, lad..." Angelus growled, shaking the boy.

"Not..." Spike insisted, shaking his head. "Cure...semen..."

Angelus' jaw dropped. He actually loosened his grip on the boy's throat. "I've ...got to... swallow... yer... what sort of bloody prank is this!"

"Best kind," Spike said weakly, body going limp. "Kind that gets me a little...respect."

Angelus leaned back, wiping a broad palm over his face. Count to ten, he thought. Count to ten. If you kill the lad, you'll be stuck this way.

"When this is all over, William... you and I are going to have a long chat about jokes... and what's funny... and specifically, what's _not_ funny."

"It ain't funny," Spike said seriously. "I thought it might be, but it isn't. I just wanted...Fuck, I'm tired of always being your bum boy."

Angelus snorted softly. "Aye, well, you don't expect me t' let you fuck me, d'you?"

"Nah," Spike said softly. "That'd be too much like you gave a toss. Reckon you'll suck me off right quick though, just so's you can get back to normal."

Angelus raised a brow, surprised. "Will... y' think I don't care about you?"

"Do you," Spike asked. "Not to say I don't like having that todger shoved inside me, but I'm over a hundred, Angelus. Why is it always that way and no other?"

Angelus mused this over. He ran his fingers idly through the boy's hair, silently. After what seemed like an eternity, he got up from the bed, and strode into the bathroom. He emerged several moments later holding the water glass.

Shoving the glass at the boy, he said, with a stony expression, "Do it into this."

Spike nodded distractedly, taking the glass. His hand ran down his firm belly, grasping his limp prick. Best just to do it fast and move on, he thought. He cast about in his mind for something, anything, to put him in the mood.

Angelus gently pushed the boy back onto the bed, wrapping his long fingers around Spike's long cock. He stroked the boy, rubbing his thumb over the cockhead.

Spike moaned softly, arching his pelvis towards those meaty hands. This was why he'd done it. He didn't want to be the Daddy. Hell, he didn't even want to be independent. He just wanted, for once, to have Angelus try to please him.

"Sire," he whimpered. "Sire..."

Angelus leaned down and blew gently on the boy's cock, stroking him up and down, fondling Spike's balls with his fingertips. "Aye, that's it laddie... I'm yer Sire... and once I'm back t' rights, I'll set about setting things straight...Seems we've a bit of a score to settle, eh...?"

"Unnh," Spike groaned, words deserting him. His world had shrunk to size of his desire. "Ssssire..."

"That's it, boyo... cum for Daddy..."

Angelus pressed the underside of the boy's balls, while simultaniously stroking his leaking cock. He licked his index and second finger and slid them over the boy's perienum, and teased his tight pucker

Spike thrashed, legs trembling. So close, he was so close. When he felt cool wetness at his entrance, he instinctively pushed down. As Angelus breached him, Spike began to rock, fucking himself.

"SIre...Daddy, daddy," he howled.

Angelus purred, crooning, "That's it... cum for Daddy, Will... sweet Will... ah, yer so beautiful... my precious lad... come now, cum for Daddy and we'll set everything right again..."

Spike obeyed, wrapped in ecstasy from his Sire's touch. His body quivered, and he collapsed as his cock began to pulse. Endless waves of pleasure wrung his body dry.

Angelus purred, thrusting his fingers in and out of his boy, crooking them. His own sorry excuse for a cock was stiff and standing out from the thick thatch of hair. He gently took the glass from his boy, cupped his fingers and scooped up the tepid goo, and scooped it into his mouth.

The dark haired vampire shuddered, grimacing as he swallowed.  He wiped his mouth on his wrist, his other hand still holding his boy's cock gently. A little uncertainly, he murmured, "Go on, Will... tell me if tis working."

Spike smiled softly and reached a hand down to the clasp the thickness between Angelus' thighs. WIth a moan, he began to stroke the large organ.

"Feels fine to me," he reassured Angelus.

Angelus gave a sigh of relief, then pushed the boy back onto the bed. He crouched over the boy, big hands on William's shoulders, and grinned down at him wolfishly.

"Now then, boyo... I promised you we'd settle up, eh?"
seven says: (1:38:03 AM)
Spike gulped and nodded. He'd earned this, whatever it was. He wouldn't whine. Just take it and pray for it be done.

Angelus kissed the boy's lips gently, then probed his tongue into Spike's mouth deeply. He stroked the boy's body, teasing his nipples to stiffness, then gently raking his nails down the boy's sides. He gently kissed, licked and nibbled his way down the boy's body, until he came to the short patch of hair at the boy's crotch. Looking up at the boy, he smirked wickedly, before he flicked the tip of his tongue to touch Will's cockhead.

Spike shouted, the small wet stripe on his cock shocking him. His cock jerked, and began to gush,  thick creamy liquid splattering his belly.

Angelus quickly put his mouth over the boy's cock, lapping as if at an ice cream, fondling the boy's balls in his heavy palm, and swallowing, until William's cock stopped throbbing. He sat up, wiping his mouth on his fist, and smiled down with paternal affection at the pretty sight of his boy, writhing against the sheets.

"Daddy..." Spike murmured dazedly. "Love you, Daddy..."
Angelus pulled the limp boy into his lap and nuzzled him, gently nipping Spike's scarred eyebrow.

"Love you too, baby boy. Now, next time y' want something from Daddy, what're you going to do about it?"

Spike cracked an eye open, and smiled kittenishly. "Ask and get refused, beg and get laughed at, demand and get thrashed," he recited mischievously.

Angelus chuckled and nuzzled the boy, tweaking his nose.

"Cheeky lad. I should flail you, y' know that?"

"Yeah," Spike agreed, nuzzling into Angelus' neck. "But you won't. Cuz you love me?"

"Aye... you make me soft that way... damned if I can understand it. But no, lad- next time y' want something from Daddy, you _ask_ for it- properly, in a respectful way... and if you've been a good boy and deserving of a treat, you might get it." Angelus tapped the boy's nose.

" Mkay, Daddy," Spike mumbled as he drifted off. "Soother?"

Angelus chuckled, sliding down into the big bed and positioning his boy gently between his thighs. He gently teased Spike's full lips with the length of his cock, newly returned to its former glory.

"Aye, now wouldn't you have been a sorry boy, not to have yer soother again, eh?"

Spike didn't answer, merely cuddled close. With his mouth full of cock and his head full of dreams, he wasn't really sure what he could say. He settled for a long slow suck, instead.
Angelus tilted his head back into the pillows, moaning with satisfaction <oops sorry!>, and stroked his long fingers into the boy's hair.

"Aye... that's it boyo... that's Daddy's good boy... got t' make sure it's working properly don't we.... and needless t' say we'll not be mentioning this little incident to ah! Darla..."